Red Lies
by kathieeliza
Summary: A Book Written from the Inspiration of E L James. Nina, a middle-aged women, is desperately alone and her life has come to a stand still until she starts to suspect that her husband is cheating on her, with twists and turns, will she ever really find out?
1. Chapter 1

I lay on my grey-tinted, wood effect, four poster bed, while tapping my foot to the rhythm of every thought passing in my head; staring at the white ceiling while shadows create shapes from the street lights outside. Its quarter to eleven at night and the three white windows on the right of me are bringing in a cold, July night breeze. As I inhale the night-time smells, I close my eyes and memories of how I became who I am today flash like strobe-lights in my mind.

I'm forty-five, with children. Two to be exact: one boy, one girl, and a husband who seems to be passionate about everything besides his wife, which would be me. How did my life get to this stand still, this place of nothing happening, nothing being exciting enough to get me up in the morning, nothing to make me feel like it's a new day, no reason to enjoy it. As thoughts keep passing through my mind, I slowly sink into a light sleep, fully clothed, wearing my summer blue jeans, and my baggy, knitted jumper. I bought it in the 90's but I like to wear it because it reminds me of being young and free. 10 minutes later, when the lights on my ceiling have gotten stronger, and the night sky has become darker, I hear the slam of a car door. I stir and roll onto my back; my eyes open, and take one big breath as if I know what's going to happen next. I hear the front door shut, and a few footsteps up the wooden stairs. I turn my head so that I can have a full view of my bedroom door. I see a shadow getting nearer and nearer to the door and then the light from under the door disappears. The door slides open and my husband stands there, with his 80's black trench coat, black tuxedo and black formal shoes. His hair is black from the rain and slightly wet and shiny; his eyes tired with no real life within them. I stare at him; I part my lips and slip out the simple word, "Hi." he releases a small smile, letting me know that he can hear me but he hasn't got the energy to verbally reply. I inhale the smell he brings in, fresh wet rain and the smell of Jack Daniels. I watch him as he undresses, sliding the trench coat – which still has raindrops on the shoulders – to the floor, and pull his tie, which is loose around his neck, off. Flashbacks fill my head, of when the only time I would see him getting undressed would be when I was doing it. I sink in embarrassment of how bad our sex life has gotten. He has taken off everything apart from his thigh-high boxer shorts in the shade of midnight blue. He grabs the duvet by the top corner, and slowly moves it into the centre of our bed which hits me on my leg. He sits down on our bed, me still watching every move, and he grabs the two silver lined pillows and pushes together to plump them up. He lies down, his head sinking into them. Then once again grabs the head corner of the duvet but this time brings it over to cover himself. He then turns his back to me, and lies to his side towards the windows.

I still have my head turned towards him, and my lips part once more and the words "How was the party?" come out. He shifts, and says, "It was fun, you should have joined me." The fact that he replies relieves me. "That's good, I mean, of course I would have but... I just didn't have anything to wear." In actual fact I have lots of dresses to wear, but the time that I get to be alone – even for just a couple of hours – is heaven.

"I need to be up at six, so…" he says in an annoyed tone. I cut him off.

"I know... it's just... well, I'm glad you had fun." I produce a fake smile. Even though he can't see me, I feel like he's watching every move I make. I lay there for a couple of hours wondering if he will ever talk. He doesn't. He falls asleep, and shortly after, so do I.

The noise of a powerful shower wakes me, and I jump like I've suddenly woken up from a nightmare. I lean up on my elbows, out of habit I turn to my right to see if he is still asleep. The sheets are pulled back, and I look around for him, but I see the figure of his naked body in the bathroom, which is on my left. I release a breath out of relief, and look down to see that I am still wearing my clothes from last night, remembering that I didn't feel like changing. I slide up and move my legs to the side of my bed, and stand up. I quickly take off my jumper and jeans, leaving just my not-matching bra and panties on. I move towards my walk in closet which is next to my bathroom, and quickly look for my dressing robe. My closet has two sides, the right side is mine, and the left is his, and in the middle, a long, cream leather seat, which I never use, but at the time we thought it would be good to sit on while searching for clothes, or putting our shoes on. I see my robe on the seat, and quickly  
put it on, tying the robe up so tight I can hardly breathe. I open the bedroom double doors, and walk out to the wooden hall floor. It's half past six in the morning, and the air is so cold at the moment. I walk quietly across the hall, and down the stairs. I'm half way down when I hear the shower stop.

"Ni... where is the soap?" I pause, and look back up towards the doors.

"...I've moved it up near the mirror…" I move things around a lot, and he gets angry with me. I try to ignore it but it's just boredom and he just doesn't understand.

"No it's not, for god's sake,"

I shake my head, and loudly stomp back up the stairs, making sure he knows that I'm annoyed. I open the doors, and walk fast towards the bathroom. I open the dark wood door to see him standing in the shower, completely naked, a body I haven't seen in some time. I walk past him, open a glass box, which is mirrored, and placed on top of the sink. I reach for a pink 'Rose Petals and Cocoa Butter' soap, and walk over to him while he is moving his hands over his wet hair. I reach out my hand to place it in his.

"Here, David, you seriously need to look harder. I can't be acting like you mother twenty-four seven, for Christ's sake. I'm sick of you acting so pathetic, I am sick of you and sick of this."  
Our eyes connect, and his face looks shocked that I've actually snapped at him. I breathe heavily out of my mouth making a stressed-out noise, and shake my head and walk out. I slam the door, and push my back against it. I slide down towards the floor, with my knees bent, and my palms covering my face in shame, catching the tears as my blue eyes fill with water. I close my eyes, and a tear slides down my cheek and  
on to my wrist. I breathe through my nose, and I sit there listening to every noise he makes while moving around; a bottle falling, a tap turning, water stopping, a towel shaken and his footsteps moving. I then realise I'm stopping him from coming in, so I get up, move into the closet and sit on the seat, with my legs crossed, holding my garter I wore on my wedding day, pulling gently the lace ruffled around the edge, and flicking the little bow that is sewn on the middle. He walks in, with his towel across his waist, long enough that it reaches his ankles, in a shade of pale peach; he ignores me and searches for some clean underwear.

"Didn't realise you still had that…" he says as he points to the garter with his chin.

"Why wouldn't I? It was what I wore on a day when you actually loved me" I snap back. He stops pulling out the draws and turns.  
"A day when I actually loved you? What's that supposed to mean? You know I love Nina, I can't even believe we are talking about this… you know, I have given you everything, everything bloody thing you've asked for and you act like we are some unhappy couple. I don't see why you're acting like a spoilt brat, just because I asked where the darn soap was, bloody hell... next time don't move the soap"

I freeze, I stop twisting the garter around my fingers, and I feel like someone has taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart thirty times. I just shake my head, trying to understand what I've just heard. I reply in a whispering tone: "I love you." I sit there waiting for a reply. He turns around to face me and says,

"I..." my heart heals as I feel the words I have been longing him to say for quite some time, I hold in a breath and wait for those four amazing words.  
"I... know you do." Make that thirty-one times stabbed. Those aren't the four words I expected, and I think you know exactly what I was hoping for. I can't remember the last time he said I love you or I love you too, I guess he doesn't anymore. I knew that anyway but the way he just confirmed it makes my stomach turn. He continues to get dressed for work, and I stare at the walls, saying '_I know you do' _over and over in my head; each time it feels like the knife is getting deeper inside me.

It's 8.00am, and I am in the silver ford focus, in the passenger seat, my seat belt tightly over me, and me in my high-waist black skirt that fits nicely under my ribs, a white V-neck top which cuts off at my elbows, and a black blazer, all ready for work, with my black Christian Louboutins off on the floor, because my feet need a rest before working. I'm waiting for David to come in the car, to go to work. He drops me off before he goes, because I'm a nervous driver. In fact, I haven't driven a car since 1998, I just prefer David driving, especially seeing as it's his car. I rest my head against the neck rest, looking at my front garden, searching for some more things to decorate, when I notice a beep from my bag. I quickly come out my day dream and open my black leather Chanel bag, it's my iPhone, and I have a text from Sandra, my work friend.

Ni, i am on my way to work, but my train isn't working, do you mind picking me up? love S x

sure, look David and i will come pick you up now, what's your address again? love Ni x

thank you! i promise to do you have favour later, it's 34 heather lane, LO50 9OP

K, luckily i have a sat nav ;) see you in a mo Love Ni x

I quickly put my phone back in my bag, and unclick the secret compartment in the passenger's side of the car. It's dark, so I just put my hand in it, searching for the satnav. I move my fingers around, then I pause, completely confused as to what I am feeling. I pull it out instantly, to find a pair of red, lacy, thong type panties. My heart stops beating. I stare at them, I hear David's footsteps over the driveway stones, and I snap out of shock and quickly put them in my bag. I continue to try and find the satnav while David opens the car door, on the phone to someone.

"I see ...no" David gets in and continues with "well" He pauses "Eight Twenty is too early" I can hear mumbling on the other side, he starts again with "yes... I know… ok... bye." He slings his briefcase in the back, and I try to start up the satnav as he slams the door.

He turns, and notices me turning on the on the satnav, "I think I know my way to work by now, I have been going there for 12 years" he says to me.

"What? ..." me still in shock of what I have seen, I quickly respond

"oh,...erm.." I am trying to put together some kind of sense of what is happening

"Sandra, yes, she text me saying, _can we pick her up?"_

"no" he replies, staring at me, I cock my head to one side

"I can't, I have to be at work at Eight-Twenty" he swings his head back at the front

"I can't"

I sulk and then make a smart remark of "well tough, because I've already told her yes"

"seriously?" he turns towards me, a little smile plays upon my lips

"for Christ sake Nina" He shakes his head "fine"

I type in Sandra's address, trying not to forget it as the address is on my phone in _my bag_, with the panties and I don't want David seeing them with me.

First I need to know _whose_ they are, and he is lawyer so I know exactly how good he is at lying to my face, so there is no point in trying to excuse him of anything just yet, not until I have trapped him in a corner with a bunch of evidence!

We get to a white suburban house with a white picket fence, and a beautiful front yard, with two children dressed in PJ's and still with bed hair playing out front with their toys scattered everywhere.

"She better hurry up, I have a meeting" he snaps at me while tiling his head down to look through the windows

"Calm, she is coming now" I lie, but I knew if I said anything else, he would want me to text

her, and I am not opening my bag.

Luckily sandra, runs in her tight skirt, which I find amusing, her waddling along.

Sandra is a tall women with Blonde hair, tugged in a ponytail, with strong cheek bones, clear skin, and blue eyes, she wears the same clothing as me, usually because of the strict work dress code, but mostly because we shop together, she is like a sister actually more like a twin.

She bends over, while holding some folders in her arms, as she kisses the two children playing on the lawn, who are aged five and eight, who are my god-children, my heart aches in how I haven't seen my children in such a long time because they are older, Tyler, who is nineteen is at university and Jennie aged twenty two has moved out and married with her husband, Harvey.

Sandra looks up, smiles and he waves to me and David. I smile back, laughing at her run in her skirt, while David makes a quick fake smile as he is pushed for time. Sandra opens the back door, and slides in "hi.. oh my god, thank you Ni, I can't believe the luck I am having today", I turn to face her, with my neck resting on the edge of seat "oh don't worry about it" I smile at her and she smiles back.

Me and Sandra have been friends for 18 years, I met her at work, and ever since she has been my best friend, David isn't fond of her, because Sandra always is quick to judge him and has a coldness towards him and I know for a fact she finds him hard to read and understand.

Me and Sandra work at _Louis & Co._ which is publishing company, we hardly do any work apart from gossiping about the rest of our co-workers.

We arrive thirty minutes late due to traffic, must of been because of the trains. We get out, and I give a little

sympathetic smile towards David, the word _sorry_ written all over my face. We starting heading to the big skyscraper building, with _Louis & co. _written over the second floor windows.

We enter into the reception, Sandra was trying to start a convocation with me but I was thinking about David and if our relationship was ending, I wave to the receptionist, her name is Hollie who is a strawberry blonde twenty year old, she is sweet, and always has a perfect smile of her face everyday.

It's half way through my day, and it's lunch time, One o'clock, and me and Sandra shoot off to the Cafetiere in the building, and sit in our little spot, it's right in the corner, with plants covering us, so no body can hear or see us, especially when we are gossiping about everybody. we sit down on the red plastic chairs, with a clean white table, facing each other, me being completely adsorbed into what Sandra is talking about, I reach for my lunch in my bag, I grab the lunchbox packed with, two ryvitas' smothered with butter and an apple.

Along with the lunch box I drag out the scarlet red panties, Sandra gasps, and I look down, to

see what I have done, I go bright red, and quickly shove them back in my bag. Sandra bursts out laughing,

"oh my god" I say with my hands over my face covering my scarlet face which now match the panties.

"I didn't know you were that type of girl" Sandra adds to her giggling,

"what? oh no...they aren't" I stop my words before I come pouring out with one big problem I having dealing with all morning, "my colour" I continue, I don't want Sandra knowing anything before I know for sure,

"and? ... why do you have them in your bag?" she adds, I pause, shocked in how I have no answer for her question, _why would I have them in my bag?,_ the only good liar is David, and he isn't here

or even knows what I know, I pull my hands completely over my face, and sob in shame,

"_hey honey?_ are you okay?, ... I didn't mean it, they would look _nice on you_"

"no, no, ... that's no it, ... it's just... _they aren't mine_"

Sandra looks confused into what I have just confessed

"then why are they in _your_ bag?"

"...I _found_ them, ...in the_ car_"

Sandra pauses, stares at me with that puppy dog eye look, she cocks her head to side, and slides her hand over on the table, I take one hand off my face, and hold her hand, with the other one wiping my tears,

".._.is he_?" she asks as I breathe through my nose to clear the runny nose, "I don't know, ...I found them this morning, and... I don't know.."

she takes a deep breath, and releases my hand, she stands up and walks around the table towards me, I think she is going to hug me but instead she takes my bag, and searches for something, she takes the panties back out.

"_oh my god_, what are doing?, put them back before someone sees" I whisper,

"look I am going to take them back with me, anything you see or find weird give to me, I will collect it and we are going to find out what's going on, okay?".

I relax as she puts them in a pocket in her bag, "okay, yes, ... _okay_" I agree, she smiles at me with watery eyes, She kneels down beside me and holds my hand once more,

squeezing it harder than ever before.


	2. Chapter 2

It's 5:00 pm and it's the end of my shift; the trains are working again, so Sandra decides to go home via the train. I think she was relieved to be honest, I don't she could have kept her mouth shut being in the car with David for 20 minutes, and I am thankful too. It would have been too awkward, and her knowing would have made me feel more nervous and more like sobbing. I stand outside "Louis & Co." waiting for David. I look at my black strap watch, which David got me for our 27th anniversary two years ago. It's 5:08 pm, and David is never late. I start looking around with my eyes; I've never really looked outside before, only daydreaming outside the window in the office.

The roads are so busy – people running everywhere – there's a nice July breeze which moves the trees. I keep looking at cars wondering when David will be here, and then it hits me. Maybe he is with her, the red pantie girl, maybe they are having sex right this second. What if he falls in love with her? What will I do? Where will I be? A car horn beeps as I awaken from my panicked daydream. I turn my head, and there he is. David, sitting in the Ford Focus, looking pissed with me. I walk over to the car, open the door to hop in.  
"Hi... Hi, sorry, I just was caught in something then,"

"Okay, well sorry I'm late; I had to wait for Denise to finish."

I pause, and my eyes are wider than ever, to hear a girl's name. "Who?"

"Denise, behind you,"

My head moves quickly to the seat behind me, and there sitting my car is a tall, blonde woman, with porcelain skin, dazzling blue eyes, and straight, white teeth that even a model would dream of.

"Hello, you must be Nina. I am Denise; I'm working with David on our latest case."

My face fills with redness and I feel like I'm going to be sick. She must be the one he's doing, and he has the guts to show her off right in front of me. I realise that I have been silent for too long, so I break it with "Oh." I do a nervous laugh.

"Hi, er... yes. Well... why are... you here?"

"She needs a ride home; her bus broke down... what's up with the transport today?"

I feel like smacking him around the face, and I don't even know why. I feel like he is the reason the bus broke down, just because he wants to show off his new mistress.

We pull up outside a very modern, grey looking house: two storeys with a small driveway. Denise gets out whilst saying goodbye to David and I. I stare at the house wondering if some guy might come out to see if she's cheating too, or just helping my husband. Nothing happens, and it seems she is alone, which gives me many ideas of where they might go about doing this 'Affair'. David pulls away and we start heading home. We're in dead silence; nothing could cut through the tension in that car. I push my lips together whilst thinking of something to say. I do it for about 5 minutes until I finally come up with: "Denise, she's pretty." Not the best conversation starter I know, but right now anything works.

"I didn't notice" he replies. Oh really? So you went the whole day not looking at her face? Maybe that's because you were staring at her chest, or maybe even worse. I try and stop myself before I get really irritated and he starts asking questions. We are nearly home. We stop at the traffic lights, and we still haven't spoken a word.

I was never good at small talk. "Jennie is coming over at 9 on Thursday, so make sure you'll be home" I say. Jennie is our daughter, and we haven't seen her in 3 months because she went on her honeymoon. If only she knew what was coming for her after 27 years of marriage.  
"Why wouldn't I be home?" David sharply snaps at me.

"Hmm, I don't know." Obviously I do know. Who knows what will be happening in the next 2 days? He could be spending nights in that small grey house.

"Planning something?" he asks. Why would I be planning something? He's the one who seems to be having all the 'meetings'.

"What? No,"  
"Well, you seem to have a pretty sharp idea of why I wouldn't be home at 9 o'clock in the morning, even though I don't work on Thursdays, either,"

"Oh, well, just making sure you know." After the heightened tension the conversation drops as we continue on our way home.

When I get home I run straight up the stairs. He, again, is on his phone, probably talking to 'red pantie girl', or should I say Denise. I just ignore him and continue running up my wooden stairs; my heels making purposely loud bangs on the floor, just to make sure that the person on the other end of his call knows he has a wife at home. I lock the bathroom door and lean up against it; my brunette hair a mess, all tangled amongst my hair tie. I shake it out, and start to undress myself in front of the mirror. As I take each clothing item off, I start thinking, am I sexy anymore? Why doesn't David want me? I am completely naked, and I start the water running in the shower. I wet my hair down and let the water run over me, and slide my body down the shower wall until I reach the floor. I sit down and let the water run over me, staring at the wall opposite the shower and I go in to a daydream. I open my eyes, and realise I've fallen asleep. I move, the water still running, and I get up. I stop the water and take my towel. I step out, and grab my watch to check the time. It's 8:13pm. "Geez," I say to myself. I have been in the shower for an hour and a half.

I quickly towel dry myself and unlock the bathroom door. I do a quick scan of the room, and David isn't around, so I quickly sprint towards my closet, slide open the doors, and move onto the carpet, my wet toes spreading across the dry surface. I get my pants from my top draw, sliding them on and letting the towel fall to the floor. I pick it up and wrap it around my wet hair. I grab my nighty which is in the second draw and my dressing gown from the floor; I forgot to hang it up this morning. I walk out of the closet, shut both doors, and walk over to close the curtains. I accidentally tread on David's clothes from last night, so I pick them up and throw them  
on the bed, his side of course. I quickly draw the curtains shut, and walk back over. Then I stop. I see something. I turn to David's clothes, and focus my eyes directly on the collar of his white shirt. There's a red kiss mark on the inside on his shirt collar, like a girl was kissing his neck. I stumble backwards and gasp in shock, realising the story I thought I'd created in my head might just be true.

I come out of bedroom and step onto the wooden hall floor. I continue towards the stairs, looking for David. I go into our kitchen which is right opposite the stairs. It has cream walls, with black counters and cupboards, black stone floors, and a little island in the middle with a breakfast table in dark, rich wood. There are a few plants to fill the room in the corners, and a big window on the side which overlooks the front garden and driveway. David isn't here; maybe he went in the lounge. So I step backwards and move into our lounge, slide the double doors open to see the dark purple walls, with light wooden floors, dark beige corner sofas placed in the middle. There's the 42" TV in front, a glass table with a sheep rug underneath, but there's no David to be seen. I walk back into the hallway, go back in to the kitchen and place my still slightly wet feet on the cold black marble floor. I walk over to the window covered by wooden blinds. I move two of my fingers in between the blinds to make a better view, and my eyes search for the car. It's nowhere to be seen. He must of have gone out, but where? I run back up the stairs to look for my bag. I open the doors to my bedroom, and rummage through my bag. I find my phone, and ring David, but there's no answer. I ring again, walking into the hallway again to see if I can find him in the spare bedroom or even the study… but he's nowhere to be seen. I get halfway down the stairs when I hear a ringing, so I follow the jingle into the lounge, and there sits an iPhone on the wooden table that the TV stands on. I look over to see a picture of me with "Ni" written on the bottom. I stop calling and I hold his phone. Then, I think, I have his phone. With him not around, while he is gone, I should try and find out who this woman is. I quickly scan through his recent texts, but they're all the same contacts I have on my phone, or just his male co-workers.

Texts:

Ni:  
Jack:  
Boss:  
Jennie:  
Billie:  
Frank:

No other girls. I don't understand. I then accidentally click on his photos, and see a picture of Denise, a photo of her, looking straight at the camera, like she knew he was taking the photo. But why would he take a photo of her? My eyes grow, bigger and bigger, and my stomach violently turns as I see her with scarlet red lipstick on. My stomach aches with pain, because I know that she's the one. It's her. I hear a car pull up onto the driveway, and then car door. I begin to panic as I have his phone, so I quickly close the photo  
page down and put his phone back where I found it. I sprint up the stairs, running faster than I ever have before; my heart racing and my feet aching from bounding on the wooden floor, leaping from one  
step to another, taking them two at a time. I finally reach the bedroom doors as I hear the front door open, and I shut them quickly. His keys hit the hallway table, and I'm panting against the bedroom doors. I slide my body down, and press my right hand against my left breast to feel my heart pounding against my chest.

I quickly call Sandra – she is my speed dial.  
"Hello?"  
"Sandra, hi, it's me,"  
"Ni? Hi, why are you breathing so heavy?"  
"Well, I've been running,"  
"Running? Oh, I was beginning to think you and David made up, and you were breaking your dry spell?"  
"No, far from it," I begin telling her about the madness of my night, including actually meeting red pantie girl, the kiss marks, and the photo.  
"I can't believe it, it's actually true, it's happening,"  
"I know, look, I know you said you would collect everything, but I can't take his shirt, and definitely not his phone,"  
"Oh yeah, I know, we'll talk tomorrow. Get some sleep, and please, talk to meet before you going running around again?"  
"Hmm, okay, night,"  
"Night, loves,"  
"Loves."

I end the call, and I get up. My breathing has calmed, and I put my phone back in bag. Before I realise it, I think, if I can't actually take the shirt, I can surely take a picture of it. I run over to his side of the bed and try to take a clear snapshot. The picture is a little bit blurry from me shaking from worry just in case he comes in, and I didn't want to be too close to the lip marks. It makes me sick to my stomach.

_

I awake, and fling my body forward from having a nightmare. It's dark and I can't see anything; I look over and David is asleep, and his watch makes a green glow on his face. I look at the time on his wrist - "4:57". I sigh and fall back onto my pillow. I still have 2 hours of sleep left until I have to get up. I start to watch him sleep, his dark brown hair still completely intact even though he is 49. He has rich blue eyes, and even though they are covered I can still remember the amount of colour they have. His face is so wrinkle free, unlike mine. That's probably how he gets younger women like Denise. I roll over with my back to him and try to sleep – I'm going to need lots of energy to be able to face Sandra's bizarre ideas.

The alarm on David's watch beeps in my ear, and I open my eyes to find my bedroom filled with light. I turn back over to face David; he's still asleep. I click his watch off, and he stirs. I move the duvet of me, and start to get up. I go downstairs and enter the kitchen, where I switch on the TV under one of the cupboards, and pour myself a cup of coffee. I hear the noise of the water as David takes a shower, when I realise this is my chance to take the picture of Denise from his phone. I put my coffee down, and turn up the TV to make sure  
he can only hear the weather on the news and the shower. I walk up the stairs quickly, on my tip toes, and open the bedroom doors to see my bag on the floor near the door. From it I take my phone, and run quickly down the stairs. Too fast, it seems, because I trip and miss the bottom step. I fall, hitting my knees on the hard wooden floor. I hear the shower stop, and I freeze, not making any movements, I sit there with my legs aching on the cold floor. My phone skidded across the floor and hit the wall. I continue to hold my position until I hear the shower go back on, and I quickly get up. I bend over to pick up my phone. I resume my previous speed and when I get to the lounge I look for his phone, but it's gone. I search everywhere. I go into the kitchen, but nothing, so I step up the stairs and gently open the bedroom doors again. I poke my head around, looking, but again, nothing.

I discover the bathroom door is open, and I turn back to the bedroom, but body realises before I do and I get whiplash as my head turns so quickly because there, in the bathroom, on the sink, is his phone. I shake my head, and I think I can do it. This is too much, but I make the decision to play with fire as I tip toe into the bathroom. It's so steamy that I don't think he can see me through the shower doors. I reach for the phone, my fingers barely touching the screen when I hear the shower stop. SHIT, I think, as I drop the phone back into the sink. It slides down the sides and I try to put it back, but as I do, the shower door opens and he says to me "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I need to…" Oh shit, this is it. He is going to find out, and my marriage will be over before I can actually find out if we still have a chance to overcome this. "…brush my teeth," Ah, finally, a crap answer, but still an answer.

" _so_ do you take your _phone_ everywhere now? Or..."

I look down and realise that I am still holding my phone. _Shit!_ What do I say?!

"Weather." Oh brilliant, another amazing answer from Nina. I could have said anything but how no, about the _weather._

"Erm, the TV is never right, so I double check now,"

He stares at me, and then shakes his head. He grabs a towel, and wraps it round his waist to cover himself. I didn't even notice he was naked because I was too guilty about my phone. He walks out, and I let out a deep breath has been trapped inside me. I stare at myself in the mirror, this brunette, green eyed, depressed woman staring back at me. I wipe away the steam, to see the other features of my face, and I grab my toothbrush even though I haven't finished my coffee. As I do, he comes back in, grabs his phone, and then leaves once again. I sink into myself and realise that all the panic, the falling on the floor, and the almost destruction of my marriage for nothing.

I am sitting in the Ford Focus once again, all dressed up for work, and I feel uncomfortable in this car after yesterday's incident. David is still inside getting something he said he forgot. I stare at the glove box, and I open it, wondering if there would be anything else since he left last night. Once again I can't see, so I take a deep breath, and put my hands inside it to search for anything lacy. I find nothing apart from some ballpoint pens that no longer work, the satnav, and two books on "What Happens if Your Car Breaks Down". I sigh that there is no more evidence to put together, but I try and think of the positives. Maybe he didn't see her last night. He walks out of the front door and slams it behind him while I quickly close the compartment  
back up. I look outside the window not making eye contact while I chew my finger nervously.

I arrive at work, early. The silence in the car was even worse than last night, but this time I didn't bother to make small talk. I just sat there. I go through the glass doors of 'Louis & Co.', and walk into reception. It has grey marble floors, with windows all around the front giving in lots of light. It has a big black desk, where Hollie, our receptionist on call sits.

I wave to Hollie as she checks me into work, then I walk into the elevator with it's red carpet floors, grey walls, and mirrors all around. I press the button for floor 2, and as the doors close I hear someone shout my name. "Nina!"

I look up and there is Sandra, running in her black skirt again. I laugh, and stop the doors with my hands, "Nina, hi." She enters the elevator and gives me a massive hug. I tear up with love, overly happy that Sandra is the only one around.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey! Don't cry! What's wrong?"

As she lets go of me I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand. The doors close, and we head up to our work floor.

"Sorry, stupid question."

I laugh again. "No, no, well, yes that, but I am just so happy to see you,"

She giggles, and hugs me again. "You saw me yesterday, you silly girl."

"Yes, I know, but... ugh… with David making me feel so unloved, I need you more,"

She smiles and puts her hand in her bag, and brings out a pack of tissues. She gives me one, and puts the rest back in her bag.

"There you go, having young kids gives you some benefits, I suppose,"  
She laughs again, and I smile. The elevator shakes, and we arrive on the second floor. The doors open, with two co-workers waiting to enter. We dodge them, and she takes my hand and pulls me into the bathroom. The bathroom is clean, with white tiles on the floor, and cream walls, with mirrors all around.

"You have mascara everywhere, we don't want people asking questions,"

She drags me over to the mirrors and hands me another tissue, which she wets down with the tap water, and starts wiping eyeliner from under my eyes.

"So, has anything else happened?" she asks while taking the other tissue and drying my eyes.

"Erm... ugh, no. I mean I looked in the car again, but nothing,"  
"And you're sad about that because..?"

"Well, I'm not sad, but I just need more evidence. I mean can't go up to Denise and say, oh, are you missing some underwear?"

Sandra stops and looks at me. "Denise?"

I grab the tissues and place them in the bin underneath the sinks "Yeah, I know, her name, it's sickening right?" She washes her hands to get rid of the little bits of tissue that have broken away from wiping my eyes, and she turns to me.

"Do you know her last name?"

"No... But I know where she lives,"

Sandra lights up, like she actually has a light bulb in her head.

"Oh my god, seriously? Well let's see if she has a husband or something,"

"Well, I don't know her actual address,"

Sandra has the biggest smile on her face. "So? We can use Google maps, if you know the way from here to hers,"

"Oh!" I light up too. This probably won't make things any better but knowing she has someone too might  
make this easier to blackmail her into leaving him alone. We rush out of the toilets, practically knocking over some woman, and we run over to my desk. The office is filled with little cubicles of offices, Sandra and I are next to each other, which is very bad for business but it gets us through the day.

"Ok, now type in this address and work your way to hers,"

I start moving through the map, making every turn David did, and we finally reach her house, I hover with my mouse over the house and an address appears underneath.

"Now what? How are going find out if she has a husband?"

Sandra copies the address and clicks off the web page, she opens up our company system on the computer and pastes the address into where our company holds all the documents from all customers in case of a quick change of addresses for newspaper services.

"Sandra, we can't do that!" It's against the rules to do this but I think she doesn't care. She clicks under 'account holders name'.

"There's a match! Do you reckon that's him?"

I look over and I see a name: Patrick Werther. She then clicks underneath and there appears Denise Werther.

"Oh my god! She has got one, oh my god!" I say, and I smile with happiness.

I look over at Sandra, and she looks at me. She points underneath, where it says 'sister'.  
"NO! Great! What a waste of time,"

Sandra sits in her seat, and we chat mostly for the rest of the day.

It's 5:02 pm, and I waiting for David again. I look at my watch, still 2 minutes past, and as I look up, I see him driving towards me. I step out onto the road, and I open the door. I climb in, and I turn my head to check if Denise is in the car. She isn't, and I exhale in relief.

"I have to go back to get something, I forgot " he says.

I screw up my face, and then nod. All I want to do is go home, but we start heading towards his work, not saying another word to each other. Again. I haven't been to his work since last Christmas for their Christmas party. We turn into the front car park, and he leaps out, and walks into the tall, modern, glass building. I feel so out of place with all these lawyers everywhere. I sit here, alone, watching everybody walk past me. I look at the building and I can't see him coming, but then I narrow my eyes, and I see from a distance, a tall, blond girl,  
walking over to the front reception, and then out to the doors. I look at her face as she turns my way, and my stomach feels like I have been shot. I see her lips have red lipstick on them again. I feel so angry, so frustrated that I get out, and slam the car door. She turns around, and I start power walking over to her. She smiles, and then realises that I'm not coming over for a bit of friendly conversation.

"Mrs Hayworth? Are you okay?"

I meet her in the middle, and my hands starts to twitch.

"You bitch," my face red with anger and a little bit of envy.

"What?" She plays all innocent, like she hasn't done anything wrong. My hand gets worse, it starts to shake, and then with no communication from my brain, my hand moves, and with one swift action, I smack her around the face. She puts her hand over her left cheek, and her face in shock.

"You SLUT, get your own husband, don't STEAL MINE!" I say.

She looks at me as the expression on her face changes from shock to amusement. She gets really close to me, and whispers in my ear: "You have the wrong girl, but keep searching."  
I hear running footsteps and a cry, "NINA?"

It's David, he has come right on cue.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

He puts his arm around Denise, and I make a loud scream in frustration. I power walk back to the car, and look back as he takes her to the bus stop which is about 5 cars away. He then starts heading back, and I starting running towards the car. But this time I go to the driver's side, and open the door, hop in, and slam the door. He's left the keys in the ignition so I start up the car. I haven't driven a car for 13 years, so my hands start shaking, I am not sure if it's being scared of what I am about to do or what David will do to me after. I start to reverse fast, I look in my mirrors to see David running towards the car, I pull down the window, and as I drive off doing 30 mph, I scream at him "YOU CAN HAVE HER!"

Then the tyres screech as I increase my speed, and I can see him running after me.

I arrive home, fortunately safely. 13 years of not driving used to scare me half to death, but luckily I was running on adrenaline that I wasn't even thinking. I slam the door, and start walk in, I stop about half way toward the house and turn back, the thought of_I should hurt him like he has done to me_, and so I secure the house key tight within my hand and walk back towards the car. I scrape the key over the door so that it makes a loud screeching noise, and more importantly, a rather large grey scratch across the car. I then grab my bag from the other side and walk in. Slamming the front door shut, kicking off my high heels and I stomp my feet upstairs, and slam the bedroom open. I go into the closet, and on my tip toes, to reach for the case on the top of the wardrobe. I catch the handle with my fingers, and it falls to the floor just missing me. I pick it up and throw it on the bed. Walking back into the closet, I grab all of his clothes, and walk over to the bed and throw them into the case. I turn around, and his phone catches my eye. I turn back, and grab the phone. I take a look at the photo of Denise. She looks exactly like she did today, just without a massive hand print on her left cheek. I accidently drop the phone and it falls to the floor. I pick it up, and as I look at the screen, the picture changes. I go to slide it back, but then I see a girl, a redhead, in a black dress, with bright red lipstick on. Hugging him. I stare at this for 5 minutes, as the words "_You have the wrong girl, but keep searching_" echo in my memory. Did I get the wrong one? Is this the one who is having an affair with him? I fall to the floor and stare at the picture. What have I done?


	3. Chapter 3

I am still on the floor staring, but this time at the ceiling, I've been sat here for god knows how long, I click the home button on the phone to check and it says 6:49, feels like I have been sat here for days, I hear a loud slam of a door, my eyes pop so big, _oh crap_! David! what will he say? or will he say anything! I hear him coming up the stairs, move from the door and go in the closet and sit on the seat after i close the doors, I listen for him as he opens the double bedroom doors and then stops, I listen carefully as he does nothing, I see his shadow on floor then with one big movement, the double doors slide open, and I see him, his face confused, and upset, I say nothing, thinking it will be plain silence until he breaks it "WHAT IS GOING ON" I just stare at him as he waves his arms around while shouting at me, his face now with pure anger,

"GO ON THEN, DON'T BE SO BLOODY SHY NOW" I still stare at him, why am I so scared of_ loosing _him or feel guilty, he is the one to feel guilty not me!

"NINA, SAY SOMETHING" my lips part and I breath in and say "I am sor-" before I could finish my sentance he cuts me off.

"NO" I tilt my head down "NO, BLOODY WAY ARE YOU SAYING_ SORRY_ AND GETTING OUT

OF THIS" he pauses, runs his fingers his hair then rubs his palm against his chin.

"YOU SLAPPED DENISE...WHY?, _WHY?_ for Christ sake" I look up and my eyes fill with water, "I thought...you.."

he looks up at me with his hands on his hips, with his tired face looking at me, "you_ liked_ ...her" he looks at my in my eyes, and then shakes his head, and walks out, I sit there, frozen, holding legs in my arms, my face hidden within my legs like a little child. I stay there and listen to every noise he makes, he walks out of the room,his work shoes clonking on the woodern hall floor, he moves down the stairs and then a little rattle of the car keys against the glass table, the front door opens, then a quick slam. I move from under my legs and go out into the hallway, from the top of the stairs I can see through the window next to the door, and I see his shoes move against the stones, and I hear him too, the next thing his feet disappear and I hear a car door slam.

I move back in to the room and put the suitcase I took out back into the closet, once I did that, I went and got his clothes and hanged them up again and put them back on the rail. I am so anxious I decide to do cleaning, I decide to make _our_ bed, I fluff my two pillows up, and press down my side of the duvet, and then

go around to his side, I straighten out the duvet on his side, up to the pillow, I take one pillow, and I smell _him _on them, I take a big inhale of his smell an my eyes flutter with the smell of home, home being him, my place i always thought I would have until now. I continue to make his side, and then pick up his clothes from the party that I put on his side but he put back on the floor, into the washing bin for me to deal with later. I move downstairs into the kitchen to see if he has come back, no car yet, I sigh and turn to look on the calendar which is next to the window above a green plant in a brownish pot, after tomorrow Jennie is coming home so I hope she doesn't sense anything from us, I then look back, the day before Jennie comes and I see "Celebration Party - bring red wine" _shit_, I completely forgot, David has another party for that case they

won, _god,_ another party I _won't_ be attending, and then I think, hang on, if that women kissed him on the last party, I need to be at this Party... I stop and then I think, I need to call Sandra, I grab my bag from the hall table, and grab my phone, I call Sandra straight away, I get no answer, so I leave a voice message;

"Hey San, just calling because,.. well, I have a lot to tell you but anyway, David has a party and I wondering if i should go, I need to witness this women in action, oh and P S Denise isn't the _one_" I press end

call and hope that she listens to it fast, I sigh that she couldn't pick up but I put my phone down and look outside the window again for David.

I wait around for 3 hours, it's 10pm, and i am drained from todays events, I am washing up from my lonely dinner, I keep having late dinner recently from all the weird up and downs going on after work, But tonight was my first night eating alone for ages. I turn off all the lights, and make my way upstairs, I flick each switch with my finger when I pass, and i get to my room, I walk into my closet to get my nightie then i see one of David's shirts he used to wear when the kids where younger, I decide to take off all my clothes and put on his baggy white t-shirt that covers me right up behind my bum, It smells of him as wrap my body around it thinking of him, I go back into the bedroom and go on to my side of the bed, and I gradually move over to his side, smell his pillow and shirt making me feel secure, I turn off all the lights, and I fall to sleep smelling of him and wearing

only him.

I wake up, and it's morning, I turn to my left and I see no-one, and I then realise I am still sleeping on his side, and in his clothes. I get up, stretching so much because of the amazing sleep I have had just feeling like he was cuddling me. I slide my legs over and they hang on the edge, and stretch my arms up and out while yawning and I move off, I look at his phone 10:06 am, Shit, I missed work, oh no! I run into my closet and put on my clothes from yesterday, quickly rush into the bathroom to fix my hair, and then put it into a ponytail, and rush through the bedroom collecting my stuff to put in my bag, and hop around the hallway putting my shoes on, and then run down the stairs, I get to the door, swing it open and then I stop, the car is gone, David isn't here, and I have no way of getting to work. _Crap_. I walk back in and take of my shoes, and go in to the kitchen, I sit on one of the bar stools and take my phone out of my bag, i click my home button of my phone "10:45am" oh no,.. then I look down, "12 missed calls". _Double Crap._

I quickly check who they are from, maybe _David_,

11:17pm - Sandra

9:08am - Sandra

9:13am - Sandra

9:22am - Sandra

9:25am - Sandra

9:31am - Sandra

9:32am - Work

9:32am - Work

9:40am - Sandra

9:41am - Work

9:50am - Sandra

9:58am - Sandra

Nope_, poor_ Sandra, and looks like she tried to call me back from last night, I click re-dial on Sandra, and it starts ringing

"Nina?"

"Hi, oh my god, I am so sorry, I fell asleep"

"Thank god, I thought something bad happened"

"Well it did, I can't find David"

"What? Why? _Did he go_?"

"I will tell you later, look I can't go into work, David didn't wake me and I have no car"

"Oh crap, okay, I will call you a taxi, now just try calling David, okay?"

"Okay, bye, loves"

"Loves"

I hang up, and try calling David; I get an answering machine, so I hang up. I try again but still no answer, so I then decide to leave a message,

"Hi David, _look_, I am sorry for last night, look we have a party tonight are we still going?_ Well, _Ihope so, I am sorry, truly"

I wasn't sorry in some ways, Denise had to it coming and if I didn't I wouldn't of known she wasn't a _complete_ slut after all.

A taxi arrives outside, so I put my shoes back on and grab my bag, I go outside, and hop in, It smells like old shoes or sweat, it makes me feel sick, I just keep my mouth shut and let him drive me to work.

I arrive at work and it's 11:03am, I am so late, so quickly run into the reception, I wave at Hollie whose face looks so confused on why I am 2 hours late.

I run into the red-carpet elevator and hoping it goes up quickly to second floor, I turn around at see myself in the elevator mirrors, my face has no make-up on it, my hair all tangled in a ponytail and clothes a little dirty from yesterday, not my best look. The elevator pings at the second floor, and quickly run over to my desk before anybody can see me, Sandra isn't at her desk for some reason, so before she comes, I quickly put my bag down beside my computer and log in. I hear a ringing from my bag, so I grab my phone which is hidden underneath all the crap I put in this morning, I look at my phone and it's Sandra, _what?_ Why is she calling me?, I click the little green phone icon.

"Why are you calling me?" I say while answer the call

"Where are you? Are you near work yet?" she whispers

"Yes, I am sitting at my desk, unlike you"

"_Oh,_ I am in toilets, I got caught using my phone so watch out"

"Oh _geez_, come out, now"

I move my head around my cubical to get a clear shot of the toilet doors, I see Sandra walk out with her phone in her hand, she looks around, making sure nobody sees her, then she spots me, and power walks over, "thank god your here" she says to me, while sitting in her seat, "before you ask me questions, I can't answer them now, not with everybody around so, we will talk later, okay?" she nods her head, and I finally start working, I get through 5 phone calls about some big publishing firm until, I get a call from my Boss, Mr Malley, he wants to see me in his office, Sandra watches me like a hawk as she probably thinks I will get the sack_, so do I._

I open the wooden door, with a little window on it.

It is a quite big office with many windows, grey marble floors, with a massive black desk in the middle, two black leather chairs on either side, one which seats this young man, around thirty-eight years old, He is very tall, he has a _quite_ fantastic body, _stop it, _I tell myself_. _He has dark green eyes which go lighter within the light, brunette hair that is a short, medium length for a boy, his smile is so clear and white, it's _breathtaking_, He is like a model, and one of reasons, he has so many women in his office is because he is so _unbelievable_ to look at, they all _want _him.

"Nina, take a seat" I am so nervous this is the first late I have had in years,

"Okay" I reply shaking my voice in the mean time.

He looks so calm, I can't even read his expression, he smiles at me as he notices me trying to studying him and doesn't stop, so happy with himself,

"Look you're not in _trouble_, but I need some explaining"

I take a sit, in the leather seats, I sink in and begin trying to sit up straight but it's impossible, it like sucks you in.

"Okay, sure" I am so nervous telling if anything, what will he think, I start knotting my fingers around my hands, trying to think how can I explain, well lets run the notes; My husband is having an affair with this redheaded slag that I thought was another women in which I have slapped her and then my husband hasn't come home, so I decided to wrap myself in things that smell of him_, oh and let's_ not forget had the best night sleep of my life and I woke up late, _plus_ I haven't got my own car mainly because I don't drive until yesterdays scandal, and now I am late, _hmmm that should about do it_.

I stare at my fingers, and hope he just lets me off, I continue to stare at my hands, I can feel is eyes burning into me,

"Nina? are you okay?"

_erm, no, not really, life could be better if I am quite honest_

"yes, I just can't really explain why I am late" oh, like he is going to take that.

"Look, I can see your upset, so listen to me, I am going to let you off, but Nina, you have to sort things out"

I look up at him, in shock that he actually is letting me off, he notices me looking at him, staring at his beauty, he has a smile playing upon the sides of his mouth and tells me to leave with the direction of his chin moving towards the door, I get up, and smile, and I walk out, I can feel him still look at me, while I walk out, I close the door, and by this it's 11.40pm, only 20 minutes till lunch.

It's lunch, me and Sandra decide to go out for lunch, just down the street is Starbucks, so we go, while Sandra orders, I grab a seat, it's so dark and cosy in here, brown themes with wood everywhere, little hints on green from the plants, It's so homey, I sit down and feel the sofa fill around me, it's so comfy. Sandra comes over with two coffees, I grab mine off her, "thanks" I smile at her as she sits down in the seat next to me, with a glass coffee table in-between, and only about 10 strangers are in the cafe, so luckily nobody we know for a good chat.

"So what's been going on? I got your message; things have got worse, _eh?_"

I stare at my coffee, and begin telling Sandra everything, from the slapping of Denise to the Redhead women in the photo.

"Geez, look I think you should go" I look up at her and stare "_go?.._ Where?"

"to the party tonight, look, I think you should stare away from David, let him wonder around"

"...but what if, he does _things_ with her, I don't think I would be able to take it"

She sips her coffee and continues "Then just walk away, leave everything, or ring me" she smiles, and for the rest of lunch begin to chat on how I should dress and act at the party.

Its 5:23pm, it's been 23 minutes since I left work and I am standing outside waiting for David, this is the latest he has ever been, I look at my phone, no calls, I then start to realise maybe he isn't picking me up, So i decide to call a taxi to take me back.

I arrive home, and I am knackered, but I have to get ready for this party, if i am going i suppose. I get out of the Taxi, paying him as my eyes shift around looking for his car,

I see no car around, maybe he hasn't forgiven me for yesterday, I sign and continue to walk inside. I open the front door, and I hear the water running for a bath, he is home,

my face smiles, and feel so much love for him right now, I could just take him my arms and say everything is alright, I shut the door and take off my shoes, I slide my bag under

the hall table, and run upstairs, I go in to the bedroom, and see his clothes on the floor, the bathroom door is shut, and the water stops running, I hear a splash, probably from

him getting in, I put my hands on the bathroom door, and hug it like it's him, I kiss the door, and then lean my face against it, with my left cheek feeling the cold wood.

I listen to his every move, and I slide down the door, and sit on the floor, with my left side of my body touching the door, my hand grasping around the door handle.

"are you coming with me?" my eyes open and I surprised to hear his voice, the voice I am longing to hear for some time, I smile "if you want me too", I listen hard to every splash and sound "you should really" my face beams with happiness, and I get up, kiss the door once more and begin to walk in to closet to find something to wear, I select this black dress, that goes down to my knees, with spaghetti straps, and a pair of Jimmy Choos, in Black, I then go to the top of my wardrobe to select a sliver clutch bag along with a silver necklace, I place it all of the seat and I move out of the closet and bedroom into the hallway, to give him some space, my face hurts from none stop smiling, and I move down stairs. I go in to the lounge, and wait for him to get out of the bath so I can have a bath after.

I am sat in the lounge, my legs curled up on the sofa, with the TV on and the remote in my hand with my finger clicking the down button, scrolling through the TV guide, nothing is on, my arm resting on the arm of the sofa, with my hand flexed so I can rest my Jaw while browsing, I then hear movement, loud noise, probably his

footsteps across the floor moving around, I click the red button of the remote indicating off and swish my legs so my feet meet the ground, I get up, and walk towards the bottom of the stairs, I hold my hand on the railing and wait for some more noise to indicate he is finish. I stand there, my eyes staring at the top step, I hear some draws sliding around and I jump up on the first step and continue to go upstairs, I go into the doorway of the bedroom, sneaking my head around. He is sat, in his towel

over his waist, His back towards me, drying his legs and ankles. I move towards the bathroom and grab a towel from the shelf on the way in, I close to the door, locking it, and Shimmy my skirt to fall the ground, unbuttoning every button on my skirt, I look up as i am doing this and my face looks so young, so healthy, so ... me.

I turn to the bath to run some more water and realise that particles of water from his bath are left at the button, I ignore them and continue to run a bath, I haven't got much time so i get in while the water is running, I sit there let my skin soak and realise the water i am sitting in, has traces of him in it, from his bath water, I grab my wet hand as run my fingers across my lips, imagining him kissing me, I smile, and giggle at the thought that tonight may be the night we finally rekindle our love, showing how madly in love we "still" are. The thing with David is, he act so amazingly, he can't lie at any point and make it believable, he can riddle his way out like a worm in anyway situation, so tonight i am glad he will have a mask on to hide everything.

"You have 40 minutes to get ready, so hurry" he says, I jump at the shock of how short time I have and the water splashes everywhere, I grab my towel from the floor below me and get up and grab it around me.

I stare at myself in the hallway mirror, My hair all up in a tight bun, my make up freshly done, I look young for once, my dress matching my Black hair clip that holds my bun and the main thing, my smile bigger than ever. "I am ready" I proudly announce to him, he turns and pulls a smile that doesn't go up that far to his eyes, I spin asking for some compliments, He turns and grabs the keys from the hallway table and ignores me, I roll my eyes and I say to myself, the night is young Nina, the night is young.

We make our way outside, and I remember not seeing his car, I follow him, and he turns to the garage. _OF COURSE, _How could not think _this_?! Sometimes I believe things to quickly to really think about them.

We arrive at this _Castle_, ... well I say castle, it isn't but it's big enough to be one, the driveway is in a circle, with a fountain the middle, and grass around the grounds. It's 7:09 pm and it's pretty dark, sunset has just left and the lights on the grass twinkle amongst the car. The Castle... I mean very, very large mansion is actually David's boss's house, he has had it since January, so it's my first time being here, I am so intrigued to find out what's inside, I have to look in every room.

We drive around the driveway circle, and I see people getting out of their cars and men in formal suits getting in, they must have hired loads of Valets. As we head up to the front, David gets out, and one of the formal valet men hold out his hand for the keys, I step out with my eyes watching, it's so posh, I've never had a valet before.

David walks around the car and holds out his arm to me, I push my arm through his and he links it and leads me up the front steps into a massive opening in the house, the grand staircases in white marble on each side of the room, a big chandler above twenty odd people walking in and around the fountain in the middle, it's smallish but still a fountain in their hallway...

I am sat down next to David for a four course meal; all 39 people are around the grand table. Lawyers and their spouses, talking about lawyer problems and majority of the wife's looking beautiful and young talking to each other, probably about what plastic surgery they have had and who has had the most, while I, am sitting on my own, which is why I know the exact amount of people around the table, and how many waiters coming out of the wooden doors. The food is incredible, with posh names i can't even pronounce not alone say what they were, the starter was fish I know that much and this salad that was quite peppery, the main was delicious with steak and some random

salad leaves, not much but it made you want more after each bite, and now for desert, I am hoping nothing too sickly, me and chocolate aren't friends, ever since I was pregnant with my last child i seem to throw up every time, it's like a reflex that my body is saying no to being fat, which is good i suppose. Everybody is gossiping while I am eyeing up the food, about 10 waiters come through the doors, passing plates from behind people, one seems to be really nervous, she looks like her legs are jelly, she has her hair all scrambled up in a bun, she has glasses, is blonde, and wears a shirt with a black skirt, and flat formal shoes, she comes towards me as she breathes in and out

pacing herself, then I realise, oh, she is my waitress, I feel like I have to help her, as she gets right up close, she puts the plate down and reveals strawberry mouse, with chocolate shavings, and a freshly picked strawberry on top, a turn to say thank you and as I do, my hand moves while she places spoon on the table, I knock it off, and bend down

to retrieve it, I can't find it so, I kneel down on the floor, searching for it, I look round and finally find it, I see the women with black stilettos right near it, but she only has one of her foot there, I look up, and she has the other up, and trace my eyes along her leg to be in a man lap, David's lap,... stroking him with her foot, down _there_, totally in shock, I smack my head up against the table, and shuffle back up, I blinking my eyes so many times trying to forget what I have just seen, I sit back up from my chair, and look at David, he is completely into a deep conversation, then I look at the women opposite him, I swallow, oh no, it's her, a redheaded women with red lipstick and black slimming dress talking to them both from across the table, I stare at her, she catches my eye, and smiles politely, in a way that she doesn't suspect I know anything but I do, _oh yes missy, I know everything_. I grasp my napkin of my lap and stand up, placing the napkin on my chair, I walk out and feel loads of eyes staring at me, I bump into a waiter who directs me to the bathroom. I open the door, shut it, and quickly sit up against the door on the floor, trying to wish I never seen her.

"Are you okay?"

I hear a voice, a women's voice, a voice I recognise before, I stare wondering who that is? I say nothing

"It's me, Denise"

I sign, and just continue in silence.

"I saw you look at her, it's her by the way, if you didn't know"

My eyes water and I begin to realise this is my life over; I part my lips and slip out "How do you know about this?"

I can hear her hand against the door, trying to open it.

"Let me in, I will explain"

I move on my knees away from the door, and She opens it and i see her looking gorgeously young in a emerald green dress, her blonde hair up.

"She is the wife of George Balskin, he is one of our co-workers"

I frown as she continues

"I caught them, about" she pauses, I can see her counting in her head and bobs her up and down

"8 months" she continues as she closes the door and sits next to me on the floor

"I was David's assistant back then, I was didn't know how to locate his new files for the case so I went to go and ask him, I opened the door to his office, not expecting him to be on top on _her_ on his desk, I quickly shut the door, He told me I would be fired if anybody knew, So I said nothing"

I swallow really hard; I close my eyes, and clench my fists hard

"I wanted to meet you, every time I saw you I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't"

"So why are you now?" I say into the palms of my hands

"I didn't have to, you found out, I knew you knew, from the first look you gave me in the car when I first meet you, and then you slapped me, and I knew that I had to make it up to you to help you now"

I breathe hard, "and because you're not his assistant anymore?" I say sarcastically

"Yes and _that_, but I feel terrible"

We sit there for about 4 minutes, in silence, she is holding my hand, and I sobbing in my other.

"I need to go" I say breaking the silence,

"Sure, let me help you fix your makeup" she replies in such a sweet, but guilty voice. After she wipes away my black tears, I open the door, everybody has gone from the dining room and has broken around the house looking around, mostly chatting and holding champagne. I search for David, and Denise follows me, and man in a grey suit, comes along, tall, with silver hair.

"Denise darling" Denise turns and is shocked but I don't know why

"George" she replies, _oh no_, is this _George Balskin_? I look at her stunned, and she shakes her head slightly at me indicating _don't say anything_, I smile in a reply and walk away leaving her. I walk around; a waiter comes towards me "Champagne madam?" I smile and take a class from his tray and move around the grounds, I lift up the hem of my skirt, and walk up stairs to get a better view of the hallway and everywhere, I look over the baloney part and slip my drink.

I hear laughing from one of the rooms, and walk towards the corridor of the main entrance, it's dark and my shadow follows me, the door is closed with a crack of it open,

I push it and my eyes try and focus. "Who is there?" I hear a women's voice, sharp and cold, and I see red hair in the shadow of the light, I gasp and I see her on top of a male figure, and my hands spring as I drop my glass, it shatters, the glass goes everywhere, _shit._

I leave with no time, and I lift up my dress and run as fast as I can.


	4. Chapter 4

My movements caught in a slow motion picture, me running through the corridor and into the open balcony which overlooks the guests below, my hands freely pushing the air back as I sprint. My heels echoing through marble floor, the sound bouncing across the walls, I hold on to the grand banister of the staircase, I quickly bounce on each step until it comes to an end. My hair moving through the air, around my face, I can feel beaming eyes at me from the audience I have collected around me.

"Nina?" a confusing voice is hidden within my audience, I stop, five steps I have left but I stop, I come out of my movie and hit reality.

"What is wrong?!" I turn, and I see the man I married, my love, my darling.

"_David?" _I question him, It can't be _him_, I have just seen him _make love_, I mean have sex, with that tramp, how can he be down here?

"_Yes_, what's wrong? Why are you _running_? What is wrong with you?" I stop, my eyes fill with tears, tears of joy of course, it wasn't him, he wasn't with her, and he is here, here with _me_.

_David darling, you have no idea how happy I am to see you. _Well I would have said that, if I could get any words out. My lips part, I breathe in hard, the air fills like it is hugging my heart that everything loves me right now, and the world feels normal and right for once.

"I've missed you" slip out of my mouth, the words just beam in my eyes.

"_What?_ I haven't been anywhere? Nina, tell me what is wrong!" he just stares at me, with is eyes confused, he doesn't understand me, he won't, _ever_.

Everybody is still glaring at me, tears prick from my eyes, and I don't even care, I usually hate being centre of attention but this, well this feels right. The corners of my mouth tighten and lift up, giving me a slight smile, and the tears make a wet trail down my cheeks.

"Come on, I think we need to get you home" he insists, while looking over his shoulder to see everybody in a standstill, some of the _upper _class or superior people, I call them _right up their own arses_, have broken out and in their own conversations.

David holds out his hand, I take it, locking my fingers around the top of his, not letting go, _ever_.

He carefully leads me down the five steps, that I still haven't managed to walk down, and we make our way out to of the entrance, I notice Denise watching us, I give her a nod and a quick smile, she does the same.

We are on our way home, I am staring out of the window, with my head just resting on the side of the seat, following the streetlight line of light follow the car, and it's cold and dark outside. David gave me his black blazer to come my arms.

"_So,_ something you want to tell me?" he questions me, _oh shit_, _do I say? Do I dare say?_

I look at him, he turns his head quickly to look at mine and then looks back front to continue watching the roads, he moves his hand of the gear shift, and put its palm on my thigh, I inhale sharply, a reflex of how unexpected it was. His hand is warm, soft and his fingers circle my skin of my leg. _Oh my!_

"You can tell me" he continues to get some information, I just can't pluck up the courage to say anything to him right now, I don't want to lose what we have right now, right in this moment.

"It's nothing, I _promise_, I just feel" I stop, _shit I can't do this! _What do I say to him, all I want to say it

_I love you._

"Feel what?" he says, trying to make me spill everything.

"I am tired; can we talk about this tomorrow?" I say anything just so I can get some time to think, _or _give Sandra some time to think!

He turns back at me again, he looks puzzled, but he taps his hand on my leg, and nods, then takes his hand off and continues to drive.

We arrive home; I think it's around nine o'clock. I am so drained, I have no energy and I stacker out of the car, my feet ache so much and my hair is just a wreck from all the running. I open the front door, while David locks up the car. The door is stiff and so I have to use the whole my right side to push the door in, the hallway is pitch black, so I flick on the light switch and in pours artificial light in every corner. I make my way up the stairs, still clenching my bag in my hand, and my feet till suffering in my Jimmy Choos. I enter into my bedroom, and switch on another light, making my way over the bathroom mirror; I see my reflection, _Geez, _my makeup is spread across my eyes, leaving panda like effect all across, my eyes are blood shot from crying, you hardly see my blue eyes. I shimmy out of my dress and step over it, leaving my underwear on, I walk over to my side of the bed and get in, sinking into the cold sheets, I wait for David to come to bed, but it feels like he takes forever, but I think it's just because I have so knackered, I slip into a deep sleep, letting my mind take over with dreams.

I awake from a high pitched beeping noise, the alarm. I stir, and fling my arm to hit the top of the alarm to switch it off and roll over to face the right side of the bed, when I see a tired face, David. I watch him, his eyes moving while closed, him awakening, and his chest revealed, I am so tempted to touch it but I can't, I don't want to wake him. I hold back, I smile with my lips covering my teeth, I feel amazing, I just feel _complete._ I want to watch him all day but I can't! Jennie is coming today from the airport, I need to go and meet her. My head starts planning out all the times to get there and pick her up, and then I am distracted by a pair of dazzling green eyes and that watch me.

"What are you doing?" he asks

"Planning out what time we have to get Jennie" I reply, actually being honest for once.

"_Ah_, oh yes" he nods and rolls over to turn his back towards me. _What is he doing?_

"Why do you always do that?" I say_, c'mon give it to me straight._

"Do what?"

"Turning your back to me, ignoring me, letting me hang on every word you say?"

"Do I? I didn't realise" he apologises with a shrug

I shake my head, and get up to take a shower.

I wet my hair down in the shower, the power shower noise rings in my ears and the water trickles over me, I hold my hand across my face, wiping the left over makeup from last night. I reach up to grab the '_radox shower gel' _which is on a shelf right above the shower head, in a corner. I hooked my finger around the little black hanger attached the bottle, for some reason, either my hands are wet or the hook just doesn't want to cooperate, it slides out of my hands and falls on the shower floor, I bend down, getting water in my face, practically blinding me, I can't see anything, just water everywhere and hot steam, I search with my hands to find the bottle, I turn and my leg twists and hits the shower switch and turns the shower off. _Great. _I grab the bottle and go to turn the shower off when I hear David speaking; I can't hear for sure what he is talking about.

I freeze still, my eyes half closed, trying to see through the steam.

"I can't talk right now" I hear David

Who is he talking to? Maybe he is the phone, _of course._

He pauses, says nothing, my hairs on my body prick up, _I am so cold._

I shake my head, bend down to fetch the darn shower bottle and turn the shower back on.

_It's probably nothing._

I continue to wash myself, getting my hair soaking wet, running my fingers through the tackled strands, when I hear him again,

"So I will have to sort something out, I'm not finished yet"

I stop the shower again, and I grab my towel, and open the bathroom door.

"Who are you talking to?" I say, while finding him passing up and down the bedroom floor in just his underwear, with the phone tugged in-between his shoulder and ear.

He holds his hand up towards me and his eyes so big like his shocked to see me.

"Got to go, talk later" he finishes the conversation, and hangs up, not even waiting for a reply.

"Sorry, what happened?" I continue to ask

"Huh?" he stares at me, I see him swallow, _hard._

"Nothing's happened, everything is fine" he smiles at me.

"Who was that?" I point to his phone in his hand

"You're very curious today, why is that?" he raises his eyebrows at me

"What?, no I'm not" I sharply point out, _crap,_ how does he do that? How does he turn everything back towards me?

I turn back into the bathroom, and continue to get ready to meet Jennie.

David is in the car, waiting for me, while I am just finishing fluffing the pillows on the living room sofa.

I punch my fist into the pillow and flop it down, I walk out, grabbing my bag on the way, then I realize I haven't talked to Sandra yet, I will text her in the car, I walk out of the front door, slamming it, and locking up. I walk towards the car, with David giving me that look of _hurry up._

We are on our way to Heathrow, takes about half an hour or so. I am texting Sandra while David tries to work out why the Sat-Nav is messing up.

Hey San, went to the party, big things happened, me and David are going strong, talk later? Love Ni x

She doesn't reply till about 10 minutes later

Omg, K, will chat later xx

I smile, at the thought of telling her that everything is finally going good.

We arrive at Heathrow airport, its cold under the seven or eight story car park, but all I can think or feel it's happiness to be near my baby girl, we both get out, I am wearing my cream linen trousers, with a black trench coat, and David is wearing his suit, he says he going back to work after. _great_.

We both start walking towards the elevator to go down to arrivals, we say nothing, I just let the cold wind brush against my lips. We step into the elevator, all surrounded with mirrors and we just stand there in silence, then a second later, I feel something against my hand, _his_. I gasp, as his fingers wrap around mine, stroking my palm with his thumb, a smile plays upon my lips, I don't look at him, I just let the moment happen, and at the corner of my eye I see him smile too.

The elevator opens, and he lets go_, darn_. I brush my coat with the hand he is no longer holding, and continue to walk beside him, we see some many people rushing around, baggage everywhere, people laughing, and crying in the joys to see their loved ones, even babies that are being adored by their mothers or fathers that haven't seen them in some time, a tear forms in my eye at the joy of seeing so much love in an airport. It brings back memories of taking the kids abroad, the kids were so young, so free, and I was loved so much by the man I still adore with all my heart.

"MUM" I hear a cry from the crowd of people coming out of the other section of the airport, my eyes search for my girl, I can't find her! At the corner of my eye I see David move, and in one swift movement, I turn my head like a reflex. I watch as David is hugging my girl …_Jennie_. I see her face, as she smiles in joy, tears running down her cheeks, and squeezing David so tight that is creases his blazer. The hugging, moving their legs in a circle, so I can now see David's expression, oh my it's breathtaking, to see him hold my baby, and love her so dearly, I start to cry.

"Mum!" Jennie calls me again, as she runs to me, she makes me step back as she hugs with me with such force. _I love her_. She pulls away as I put my hands around her face, too look at her.

"Oh, darling, I've missed you so much" I cry and I wipe her tears with the side of my thumb.

"Me too" she laughs, and lets go of me as she tries to wipe her own tears away.

"How are you?" I breathe, as I watch her grow up so fast in just a couple of months.

"I'm good" she reassures me.

"You've eaten, slept, drank, money is okay? You well, yes?" I burst into frantic mother mood, in asking every question.

"Mum…" she tries to stop me "I am fine, you know I am, I spoke to you only a couple of weeks ago, so stop please?" she smiles at me, trying to calm me down

"I'm sorry" I laugh, and I pull her in for another cuddle_, I am so glad she is back_.

We arrive home; David is at the boot of the car, trying to take Jennies suitcases, as I hold hands with her walking in to the house.

"So how are you and dad?" she questions me as we enter the front door

My heart stops, does she know, maybe she can sense it? Oh god, what shall I say?

I start with "What?" and pause, then continue with "What do you mean?"

"Oh god, what is it?" she shakes her head, and leads me into the kitchen

"What's what? there is nothing going on" I swallow hard

"Really? So why have you gone into guilty psycho women?" she laughs, and grabs a drink of water

"Honey, is water alright, I can make you some tea if you like, and maybe have some-"

"Mum" she raises one eyebrow at me

"Stop worrying, I am fine, your father is fine, your brother is fine, everything is just _fine_" I breathe, after saying a very long, exhausting sentence.

"hmm, right" she smiles, and drinks her water "so how is Ty?" she moves on_, thank god._

"Your brother is fine, he hasn't rang me in a while, guessing he is having too much fun for mother hen to find out about" I laugh

"Facebook is my only source of spying on him, and his girlfriend" she smiles

"Girlfriend?" my eyes perk up. _Girlfriend…since when?_

"yeah, some blonde bimbo, whose belt is bigger than her actual skirt" she laughs again, _I miss that sound._

"How do I not know about this?" I sulk, how he dare not tell me this

"Do you ever ring him?" She asks

"No, he said your father should, and he hasn't told-"I stop, oh wait, me and David haven't talked in ages, maybe David knows, and maybe I've been so absorbed into this affair I haven't noticed.

We continue to talk about Tylers new slut, I mean_ girlfriend _and how her and Harvey are getting on in New York.


	5. Chapter 5

It's 8:05pm and while David and Jennie are looking up places in London for Jennie to rent out while she comes over, I decide to ring Sandra while I am curled up in bed.

"Hello?"

"Hi stranger" I giggle

"Nina?" she laughs

"Indeed" I smile

"Woah, you're happy, tell me?"

"Yes, well Jennie is home, and David and I are well, …. Stonger than ever" I blush

"I am so happy for you, so How?" I can hear it in her voice, she is so dying for the gossip

"Well, basically, I thought I caught him doing it-" I pause, she a shadow under the door, and wait for about 3 minutes.

"Nina?"

"Look I can't talk on the phone about this, I will chat tomorrow at work okay?"

"Okay, goodnight, send my love to Jennie"

"Will do, bye" I hang up.

I get up and take the covers of me, and walk over the door, I pull it open, to reveal_, nothing_.

Maybe it was just me, But I can't take chances. I walk Into my closet grab my robe and tightly knot it around me, I pull the door once again, when I am frozen by the sound of a car door, I rush downstairs towards but I am distracted by the loud TV in the lounge, and there lying asleep is Jennie, I walk over to her and stroke her face.

"Jennie?"

She moves, she blinks repeatedly and smiles to the comforting tone of my voice.

"Hi" she rubs her eyes, and moves from her side to her back.

"Where is your father?"

She sits up on her elbows and looks around, and then looks at me once again.

"He was here earlier, he said he was going to check on you in half an hour, but I guess I fell asleep"

I shake my head and go back into the hallway to check his car

"Mum?"

Jennie moves up and follows me

I take a look outside the door and the car is gone

"Jennie, call Sandra on my phone" I pass her my mum from the pocket on my robe

"What?, why?" her eyes beaming at me, face so confused

"Jennie, do it, tell her I need her to come to mine" I give her a strict command

"Oh and her car" I add, Sandra rarely gets to use her car due to her husband but Fingers crossed she is available, she is my last chance.

"Mum? What is going on?" she follows me up the stairs, I turn towards her stopping her

"Jennifer I do not have time to explain, now CALL HER" I have gone past the point of frustration of how my daughter seems to not listen to me.

She nods at me, and calls Sandra, while I quickly undress and slip on a pair of jogging bottoms, and baggy grey jumper and my old Nike trainers; I pull my hair up into a ponytail.

Jennie comes into my room as I am tying my laces

"She is on her way, now mum please" she gives me a puppy eye look, but I have shake my head and walk out.

I walk down the stairs and collect my keys and grab my phone off Jennie as she once again followed me

"You stay here, I will back, okay?" I reassure her

"No, where ever you are going, I am going too" she pushes her hands in front of the front door

"Jennifer, move." I push her hands away

"NO" she shouts at me, her eyes close to tears.

"I can't allow you to see" I stop and look at the floor in shame

"See what?" she tries to make eye contact with me

"You won't understand, Okay?" I finally get through the door as her arms drop but she continues to follow me outside, I start to power walking down the drive, trying to get my distance from her.

"MUM?!" she screams at me and as I look back she starts to jog to catch up

A Blue Corsa drives near my drive, _Sandra!_

I run towards the car, and I can hear Jennie's feet pounding on the stones as she is getting faster too.

I open the door of the car, and rush in, trying to do up my seatbelt, it gets stuck and I can't pull it, when My time is up, Jennie opens the back door, and slides in, her heart pounding fast as it vibrates in every breathe she takes.

Sandra turns back, and then looks at me startled; I can tell she doesn't know whether she should drive with her in the car.

I look at her and shrug "Drive" I breathe; I fall back in my seat.

"Where too?" she says confused

I shake my head, and leap out of the car, and walk round the driver's seat

"Out!" I open her down and she gets out, and walks over to the passenger's side, I get in, feeling uncomfortable to in control of three lives.

I start to drive out of my drive and head straight to _David work._

The roads are busy or working people trying to get home, rushing through the traffic, we get to a traffic light junction and I watch every cross the roads, towards to shops on each side of the road.

"Mum?" Jennie calls

"Not now"

"No Mum!" She points towards the window screen to a little ford focus in the car park

"Isn't that Dad's car?" she adds as my heart is pounding franticly.

I drive straight pass a red light, forgetting I was even waiting for it to change, Sandra Screams "NINA!" and Jennie shouts "MUM!" in complete shock of what I have done, I am quite shocked myself.

I just drive into the car park, and I park amongst the load of cars, I try to spy on his car.

Nothing is happening; I just wait, and don't keep my eyes off his car.

Sandra nudges her elbow against mine, I ignore it, and then does it again, then I know it wasn't by accident, I turn to face her and she points her eyes towards one of the shops with a redheaded women walking in the door.

"Oh my god" I blurt out, covering my mouth with my hand

"Okay, what is going on?" Jennie questions us

"You two stay here, I will be back" I unbuckle and open the door

"WHAT? No what are you doing, you can't go in there?" Sandra holds my arm, tugging me back in

"I have been sat around waiting for a while now, so no! I am not waiting any longer" I stare at her, and then shake her arm off mine and get out.

I breathe in and out _heavy _and walk towards the little shop, I walk up towards the steps and open the door, the door bells rings a little charm. _fuck. _I leap behind some shelves with stacked cans on it, I kneel down, trying to see if I keep my distance from him and _her. _

I can't see anything, so I move one of the cans to the side and I can see them, paying together for something, I move a little the right and my eyes perk up as I catch her hand in _his. _I tighten my eyes shut in the thought of that were us this morning_, what is he playing at? _

I listen hard, not making a moments and holding my air in.

"Two pound, ninety nine please Sir" the old shopkeeper speaks

"Hang on" David replies

"So what are we going to do?" _She _speaks. I see David counting pennies in his hand.

"She knows something, I can feel it" David replies, _oh my fucking god. _

My stomach aches, and I feel the need to hold it tight, I bit my lips it making me say no noise, holding in every little breathe I need to take. _They are talking about me._

"She doesn't, look you need to make her feel involved in everything you do"

"What do you mean?" David lets go of her hand to hand over the cashier the money

"I mean, there is a Charity event next week, and I think you should bring her" she says while stoking his neck with her fingers

"You saw what happened the other day, no, I can't"

"Oh come on" she laughs "She is delusional, after all she thought we were doing it upstairs"

David drops his card on the floor, bends down to pick it up while she runs her fingers from his neck down to his back, David gets up.

"Well _I _wasn't" he hisses at her

"No, it wasn't me either, your wife thought I was that slutty assistant of Georges who I heard got with one of the waiters, who I loaves, she tries to flirt with everyone, but George knows he can't get better than me" she laughs

David starts walking towards the door, I shuffle back to hide,

"So where were you? I was looking everywhere?"

"I was being suicidal as Alfred was talking about his promotion, I mean I wouldn't usually mind, but I all I keep thinking was _you_ and_ me_ and of course _my bed"_ she laughs once again and walks out of the shop, I slide on the floor, starring and tears run down my cheeks and I feel like dying.

I sit there for about ten minutes until the shopkeeper comes up to me and requests I pay for something or get out, I ignore him and then he starts to ask if I am okay and should he dial 999, I pretty sure no emergency services can cure my pain. I feel like my whole one side of my body has been ripped out, and that's it, it's gone.

Moments later Jennie and Sandra walk into the shop, Jennie rushes to floor, kneeling at me, crying in how I have been crying.

"Mum? Tell me, please" she sobs

"shh!" I wipe her tears, and cradle her head in my arms

Sandra blows me a kiss, I can see she is trying so hard not to cry, she folds her arms and looks away from us.

We are back at home, its 4am I am lying on my bed, Jennie wrapped around me like a little kid, sleeping, and I am wide awake. David didn't come home, he left a message on the house phone while were out, saying that he had to go to a conference call, and that he would be home late or even early hours of the morning, _figures. _

I try to fit those last pieces of my puzzle together of how I can stop my life spiralling out of control, and my children's. I can't find the last piece of how I can stop David.

I hear the door slide open and there is the a face I wasn't expecting to see at this time in the morning, Sandra, in her grey cardie and white tight top with washed out blue jeans which she all wore yesterday.

"I thought you went?" I ask, I am so confused, why she is still here?

"I couldn't leave you in the state you were last night" she shrugs her shoulders and walks over me

"Oh" I sigh in a flashback on what happened last night

I may of missed out one very important detail of that when I got home, I ripped every wedding photos of me and David, I roll my eyes in frustration, but it was the Aurelian that made me so crazy and over to top.

"Don't be mad, but-"she strokes my hair within each word of saying this confession

"What now?" _oh shit_, what has she done?

"I've booked a therapy session for you today at nine a m" she quietly confesses and screws up her face

"What? I am not going crazy for Christ sake" I shout, Jennie moves a little and I get quieter "no Sandra, just no"

"Nina, you're not going mad, I know, but seriously, they can help you figure on where to go from here" using her sympathy voice

I stare at her not battling down, she is good, and she is not giving up.

"FINE" I shout again, Jennie stirring once again

"Good, I will take you there" She smiles and makes her way back downstairs

Its 8:53am, I am in the car with Sandra, driving to meeting my new therapist, _yippee! Not!_. Jennie finally allowed me to go out the house on my own even though she still doesn't know the facts, well I bet she realises that Daddy is doing something, or even having an affair but she doesn't believe it till the words actually come out of my mouth making it official.

We arrive walking into the pale toned building, and signing in on the reception, a lady with short brown hair and glasses tells us to wait in the seating area, which is rather homey, brown sofas, green plants in almost every corner of the room, and a round table in the middle, with many magazines, which I would prefer not to read. I wait for around five to seven minutes, bobbing my knees up and down, nervous as hell, butterflies are being busy in my belly and my head is spinning on what she or even a he, is going to tell me.

The receptionist comes into the waiting room, calls for me and I leave Sandra as I go down a little corridor to a wooden door with _B Matos _on the door, I knock twice, and hear the door handle open, the door opens to a Man, with Black short hair, dark brown eyes, quite tanned, wearing black trousers, and a black polo shirt and some formal shoes, I look back up to his face, and a smile appears on his face, I recognise that smile, I walk in as he pushes his hand on my back guiding me in and I squint my eyes to try and remember if I know him… He laughs.

"Nina" He speaks, and strong, dark voice appears from his beautiful lips. _Oh my fucking god._

I remember, it's him, It's my ex-fiancee, _oh god!_

"Brian?" I shake my head, trying to hope he isn't him

"Yes, Nina, you looked so shocked!" his smile appears bigger

"Well yes, last time I saw you, you were working for your father and your last name wasn't Maos" I quite aggressively shout at him, I am embarrassed of what has happened, applied actually.

"It's Matos, with a T, Nina" he winks at me

"What? No, that is not the point, you changed your name?"

"Actually I took my wife's surname for when I became a Therapist, I am still Deven in real" he winks again

_Seriously stop with the winking!_

"You're wife? You got married in the end?" I cock my head to the side, in the thought of that last time I saw him with a women was when I saw them having sex in my bed, yes I was cheated on before, _Figures. _

He laughs and sits on his desk, with his hands in his lap and me still stuck in the doorway.

"Now, sit, tell me what is wrong?"

I laugh "Ah, I don't think so" I smile and turn towards the door

"Nina!, come on don't let us get in between my job, please" I turn and he is smiling at me, trying to ease me back into his office, I raise my eyebrow in a sigh of _that's all you got? _

"Would it help if I told you about me?" I pulls a glass of water and I step forward and wait.

"Earlier did I say wife? I am sorry, ex wife, yes I am stuck with her last name, we got divorced around two years ago and People know me too well now so I kept it" he smiles

"Is she?..." I cock my head again

"Yes I married Heather; she was quite the lady until she ran back to her daughter's father, leaving me with no children and no wife"

"No children?" I walk towards him, interesting to see how his life turned as he left me

"Nope, she didn't want them, and I simple said fine, I had her daughter, who does visit me time to time" his eyes soften in regret

"Oh" I don't want to know anymore

"So how have you been? I mean can't be too well, you here" he laughs in his comic joke

I laugh too but hiding it while shaking my head, he always could make me laugh

"I can't tell you, you would laugh" I confess, and place my bag on the floor, sitting into one of his brown chairs opposite him

"Go on, make my day" he winks once again, and sits waiting for me to give him a chuckle

"My husband is cheating on me" I screw up my face, and look down

Brain is silent not saying a word

"Had once before actually, oh wait you did that didn't you" I give a nervous laugh and Brian gives no reply

He slides of the desk and knees by me, trying to get eye contact but I give none

"I am sorry" he whispers, he lips still making the words appear even though they have already been spoken

"How long have you known?" he asks, holding his hand on my knee

"Well only a couple of weeks or whatever, but it's been months since we-" I stop, I can't tell him that I haven't had sex with my husband in months nearly a year, it's embarrassing, he doesn't not need to know about my sex life!

He cocks his head to one side, "go on"

"Nope, it's too far" I shake my head, standing my ground

"What too far that you can't tell me? Or Too far ago when you had sex that you can't remember?" he raises one eyebrow and his smiles appears again.

"Ha-ha very funny" I sarcastically say while I smile back

"Nina, please" he moves his fingers around my knee, trying to sooth me

"I don't count but nearly a year" I close my eyes tight

He takes a Sharpe inhale and gets up

"So he slept with someone else? Or sleeping or whatnot"

I nod; he rubs his chin and passes a little before sitting down opposite me

"And why are you here?, what do you expect me to do for you?" he puts his leg up resting on the other and rests his chin on his arm which sits up right on the arm of the chair

"My friend, Sandra, she is worried about me"

"Why exactly?"

"I had a breakdown yesterday, actually they happen a lot but she witnessed it yesterday"

_Why I am I telling him so much, I feel like trust him in such a weird way_

"I see, tell me them"

"Well my first was-" I stop, counting on my fingers trying to remember which came first

"I hit a woman who could have been _her, … _then I believe it was the party or was there something before … and then yesterday"

"Yesterday?"

"Yes, I followed David, … that's is his name and things got out of hand, I went in the same shop, blarddy blah and I heard them talking, then I came home and ruined my photos" I look down again

"talking?"

"Yes, about me, me knowing, them together, just stuff" I say no more

"You care more about this affair, you're afraid of something, you weren't this out of control … before" he asks

"Well of course I am, …before… I mean with you, I had nothing, it was just us, I had nothing to lose, this time I have my children and my repetition"

"Your repetition?"

"Yes, I was once cheated on before and now again, I will be a divorcee and I will have my whole marriage down the drain"

"Of course" he smiles

"Can I ask you why you think this is happened … again?"

"I can't give my opinion at this moment in time Nina"

"Not your professional opinion, just your… overall, Brian's View"

He smiles and gets up, passes again holding an apple in his hand, throwing it in palm to palm

"You're boring" he confesses

"What?" I am so shocked, _I am not boring!_

Still passing around he explains more "You are totally caught up with how marriage should be that you forget what marriage really is, marriage is about sex, well not just marriage, a relationship, … Nina why do you think your men decide to cheat?"

"What?... I don't know, you're all complete untrusting animals"

He laughs again, this time really loud, he stops passing and places his hand on the chair, apple clenched around his palm

"We. Lack. In. Sex. With. You" He empathises each word and he passes again

"What, I have sex, I always-" I stop as Brian raises one eyebrow again

I wipe my forehand with my hand and sigh

"When I first met you, we had sex… sometimes, but you just wanted bouncing babies and a ring on your finger, I was a young Lad, with dreams of money and hot girlfriend plus great sex"

_Is it just me or is this actually making some sense? I have to quietly admit._

"even in the start, you lacked in sex, I should and so should of David realized we weren't getting anymore than that maybe even less, but we didn't give up we just cheated… literally"

He stops again faces me

"We go for the easy targets, women like Heather or whatever, because they want it as much as we do"

His eyes glued to mine, after all these years I wanted an expansion of why he cheated, and 26 years later, I've got it.

"So what do I do?" I try and recall back to my real question

"Do you trust him?"

_Do I? Can I ever trust him, can I ever be with him again?_

"No"

"Do you love him?"

_Oh fuck, don't ask me that, _I Say nothing and look down, I just can't answer that

"Yes is your answer, you wouldn't be sat here right now if you didn't, you may say it's your children or what not that is stopping you but I know you love him still, Nina, you need to try and start it up again, Learn from our mistakes, don't walk away this time" his eyes soften with yet another regret

"Where do go from here?"

"Well it's my break which means our hour is up, but same time tomorrow?" He smiles

"Sure" I smile back, I am so surprised on how much I've learned today, and it was nice to see Brian too.

I shake Brains hand and he walks me out

"Thank you" I whisper and he smiles at me, and I walk back towards Sandra who is leaping with what happened. On the journey home I tell her everything he told me, but very naughty but secretive of me I left out the parts about Brain being my Ex, ….I think she would make me changed, but I want to see Brian again… for sure.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six:

It's the next day and I awaken at the sound of alarm, I'm in bed, I stir and roll over, and there right in my sight, is _David. _

He breathes hard, his chest moving up and down, my eyes watching every body movement and then his eyes spring open, and he looks down to face, I try and watch his eyes, trying to send a message through to him, saying; _Don't leave me, ever, please. _

He looks away and lays there; I remember what Brian said _"We. Lack. In. Sex. With. You". _

I am in bed with my husband, and this maybe the last chance I ever get to do this, I am going in, I am going to do it, I am going to win my husband _back._

_Fuck, what do I do?_

I watch him, my eyes locked to him, as I move my hand so very gently under the covers that he doesn't even know or see me doing anything, my hand hovering over him, I place my hand gently on top of his boxers, and start to rub my fingers along _him. _His eyes pop out his eyes, and gets out the covers and steps on the floor.

"What are you doing?" he looks confused and upset

"What am I doing? What do you think?"

"I don't know, you tell me"

"It doesn't matter"

He pushes his hand over his hair and walks into the bathroom and closes the door.

_I am a failed woman, did I do it wrong? Did I hurt him?_

I curl up in shame, and afraid to even look him in the eye now, I look at the watch on my bedside table its eight o'clock; I need to get ready for this therapy session, It's Monday and have work at 11 am, I am hoping brain gives me so hope for these couple of weeks.

I get up, stretch and walk over to the closet, I had a bath last night, mainly just to think over things, I slip on my work clothes, my high waist skirt and a peachy top that tucks in, a blazer, and of course a necklace to finish it all off, I walk out to put on my Jimmy Choos, and David walks out of the bathroom, face and hair wet from having a wash. "Where are you going?" he asks while wiping his face with a white towel.

"Work, they asked me to come in early, so pick me up at 5, normal time" I lie, _we are such a pair of lying bitches aren't we?_

"Okay" he replies, not taking much notice of me

I walk into the bathroom, shake my hair loose, and brush it into a little clip, it looks sexy actually, I out some makeup on, making me look fresh and happy.

"I will see you later" I say while walking out of the bedroom door, and walking down the stairs, I wait for Sandra to pick me up with Sandra's husband not working till ten thirty it give us time to go every Monday morning so we head to the therapy session.

I go and sign in into the reception bit, repeating the same thing I did yesterday, brown haired women with glasses gives me a smile to indicate _I will see you a lot more too_!, I smile and walk into the waiting room and sit down with Sandra.

I see Brian, in a suit, black with a bluey tie, he looks gorgeous today, he looks so different then yesterday, maybe because it's Monday and he has to be formal, he walks into the waiting room, and indicates stop with his hand to the reception women, who nods In reply, I think he told her not to worry about taking me to his room, he looks at me, and smiles, he nods his head a Sandra indicating Hi.

"Hi" Sandra smiles and picks up a magazine off the table

"Nina, come" Brian speaks and I follow him, looking back at Sandra who looks at me in a _you lucky devil_ face!

He opens his door, and holds it open allowing me to walk into his room, I do so and then sit down in his chairs, and he closes the door and walks slowly over to me.

"So, how was last night, anything happen?" he continues to walk

"Erm no, I actually spent it with my daughter, we watched TV and that"

"Oh" he looks disappointed; he sits down in the chair opposite me

"What's wrong?"

"I thought you would have at least tried to make up with your husband"

"Well I-"

"No, Nina, you're just … slow, and I understand that" he smiles

I smile back

"Well actually,… I did"

His face in shock

"No, not sex, well I tried but-"

I push my hands over my face

"Go on"

"I tried to … and he just… well I stopped" I mumbled under my palms

"Nina, you need to take your hands off your face, don't be embarrassed, and please just tell me, I am not going to laugh or make fun of you" I take my hands away and he gets off his chair and kneels beside me, starring up at my eyes, I look away and continue "I tried to do something to him and he wouldn't let me, he went off" I roll eyes in my embarrassment, my face flushing crimson.

"What did you do?, or try to do" he places his hand on mine, soothing me like yesterday

"I can't tell you, I just can't, He didn't like it, and I probably hurt him" I flush crimson again

"Hurt him?, Probably not" he laughs

"You said you wouldn't laugh" I go in to a sulky mood trying to change the subject

"I won't" he says, pushing his index finger against his lips

"He walked off, okay?"

"That's good" he speaks to his index finger

"What? How is that good, my husband doesn't want me to touch him?"

"He isn't playing both of you, he will choose one, therefore you make him want you, he will want _only_ you!" he removes his finger from his mouth and lays his hand on my knee

"Oh" I realize

"So tell me, what did you do?"

"Brian, no" I say

"Why not?"

"Because I can't put the words together, especially not for you" I say

"Try" He commands

"Brian, no" I say again

"Nina, please, I need to know, to help you improve"

"I said NO!" My final warning

"Fine" he gets up, and turns around, swings his arms in the air and then puts his finger in-between his lips in frustration

"Then show me" he says

"What?" I Whisper, I am completely shocked, Caught off guard

"You don't like words, then show me" he explains

"Brian, how dare you ask me that?!" I get up and I walk towards the door

"Why, we were engaged, we have had sex before?" he walks towards me, ten centimetres away from each other, I can feel his heart pounding, and mine matching his.

"Because it's unethical, you being my therapist" I breathe

He puts his face right up against mine, cocks his head a little, and breathes on to my lips "then fire me" He pushes his lips up against mine, invading my mouth with his tongue, I don't fight back, It pains me to say that I actually enjoy it, I just stand there, he pushes his hands in my hair, knotting his fingers around my locks, he starts walking and I follow his footsteps backwards, and I smack my back against the door, He pushes his body up against mine, Slides his hand up against my thigh and continues in a circling motion, he lets go my mouth, I then push forward wanting more and he stares at me, "Now will you show me" he breathes, I stare at him, not knowing what to do. I look down, and put my top lip over my bottom lip and I can taste him, _oh my._ He grabs my hand and planting a small kiss upon it, my heart pounding hard and fast.

I slide my other hand across his strong chest and down past his belt, and I place my hand over _him, _I start to circling my fingertips on his trousers, repeating what I did to David, I close my eyes shut wondering if Brian will back off too. I continue to pleasure him, moving my fingers on to the cotton, grabbing him in my firm hand, he moves against my hand, moving his hips, and "Believe me, you didn't _hurt_ him" he whispers into my neck, and his cold breath makes me create a heart beat down _there, _I gasp as he moves my hand away and pushes his body into mine, making me feel his erection against my stomach, "you did that" he breathes again. He kisses my neck, and undoes my shirt a little, revealing my untouched chest, and continues to make sweet kiss on my skin, making me shine crimson of my face and, making my body hitch a little each time. This feels normal, like the old times, and then I remember, _David! _I Push Brian off with my palm, and sink on the floor up against the door, holding my hands up against my face.

"What's wrong?" David mutters

"I can't have sex with you, I'm married" I cry

"Nina, you're not doing anything he hasn't" he kneels on the floor opposite me

"Yes, I am just as bad" I sob into my palms

"Then don't" He smiles at me, and gets up, he bends over to me, I think he is going to kiss me when he does the buttons of my shirt back up and holds my hand to bring me up, he brushes my hair with his fingers, and wipes my tears with his thumb, and kisses me one last time on the corner of my mouth, and breathes "You are too special Nina" he closes his eyes, and I am sure I see a little tear in one, my hurt breaks and I push down my skirt, unfolding the creases.

"We can continue our therapy if you would like" he sits back down in his chair

I am gobsmacked, he was so sexual, passionate and now he is cold, and straight back to professional, he does it so well.

I walk over and sit down, "urm…" I try a look for something to say

Brian interrupts the silence with "He liked it, what you did, he must off-"he then coughs.

"I know, I felt it" I twist my lips at the thought of me giving Brian an erection, I look down at his trousers, and instantly look away, _It's still there._

"I need to go" I say and start to walk out, not looking back, I close the door shut not saying goodbye and lean my head up against the door, trying to think of what to say to Sandra on why I am so early, I walk out and down the corridor and I met Sandra she is looks up and her face slightly confused on why I am out so early, "What happened?" she tries to catch up with me as I walk out of the front doors, "Nothing, I just don't think.. it's working" I lie, _I must not tell her, I must not._ "Nina, you promised" we walk out onto the car park "I said no such thing actually and I did try" I smile back at her as we get into her Car, we buckle up and close the doors, we drive out and alone the main road, I start thinking about David and his bitch, how he treated me even before the affair, he didn't care about me, he was obsessed with work, he wasn't even there during Tylers birth, he was a crap father and an even crappier husband, he failed, not me, I never failed, I sit there in frustration "So we aren't coming back?" she says while turning a corner into a little café "No I don't think so" I may have been lying you see I don't want to not see Brian again, he made me feel loved, he stopped and cared about my feeling, I may keeping next week's appointment, because well, … I want to see Brian again, and this time I am not walking out.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven:

I feel a cold push of softness hit my forehead, a kiss. My eyes open from a dark sleep, to David in a suit, his hand around my jaw, his body leaning over me, standing beside our bed. I frown at the sight of the suitcase that I once took out of the closet a few days ago lying across the bed, next to my legs. My heart pounds fast, is this it?_ Is this the final time of us? Is he leaving me? Today is the day? _

"I have a business meeting" he whispers as his eyes sadden

I pout and roll over to turn my back to him in sigh of relief and almost fed up that he woke me for that, "Nina, I won't be home till Tuesday"

My eyes spring from my light sleep and I turn to him

"What on earth will you be doing?" I swallow hard, _did I just ask that?_

His eyes widen, shifts his eyes everywhere but matching mine

"It's just work, you know what it's like, It's been like this for years" he lies, and waves his hand up in goodbye and takes his suitcase

"For years?" I whisper to myself, _has this been going on for more than just… recently?_

As he walks out leaving behind his smell of guilt in the air and his shadow that still moves across my bedroom floor as he slides out the door, I start to think of what I have to do, is there anything left for me to do, I start thinking of the stages have to take to make myself prepared to divorce his man I've loved all my life, is there steps, tips or even a book on how to not make yourself so suicidal when telling yourself, _honey you've lost him._ I grab my phone from the bedside table next to me, my fingers slide open the unlock screen, my eyes searching as I type in to the website that has an answer to everything, Google. _D-I-V-O-R-C-E. _I type that dreaded word of every couples hell in to my phone hoping for some way for me to get my head around it, I search and lay my eyes upon a whole page of meanings to the word, I scroll searching for something but I haven't got a clue as to what, I see a name, _Christina Reyla_, I frown as to why her name is among this, I look at the description to see that she is a divorce lawyer, the best in town, or in my town, I frown again of the thought that my phone uses my location to gather information that best suits me, I click on the link to the website and gives me information about her work, telephone and address, I highlight her telephone and copy saving it to my phone,_ just in case._

"Mum?" Jennie stands at the edge of door with a confused frown on forehead, I quickly glance up at her, clicking the top button of my phone switching off my information and turning my screen to black

"Yes?" I say, clearing my throat of guilt

"Why is Dad leaving so early?" she moves out of door way into my room

"Just work, you know what he is like" I smile

"I guess" She shakes her head, and kneels on my bed

"Can I ask you something?" she lifts her sleepy eyes to match mine

"Sure" I move the covers off me, and put my phone back

"Are you and Dad getting a divorce" her voice dries

"What? No, why would –"I stop and think about all the images she has seen, "We are going through a tough time, with you and your brother away, we worry so much, and your father being so-" I sigh "caught up with work, I just feel so distance from you all and so does your father, we just have a lot of pressure to be a family and work things out" I smile again

"Good" she exhales heavy "I thought Dad met someone or something Bizarre like that" she laughs

I freeze, my heart stops for that split second as that sentence pounds into my head over and over again, does she know? Or has she seen something, I acted so crazy and pathetic that I think she knows

"Mum?" I break out my haze and smile again "Oh my god" she breathes as her voice breaks "He is, isn't it?" My lips become dry and my throat aches for water as I have nothing to say

"Mum, say something?" her eyes fill with tears and I still freeze "It all makes sense, you-"

"Jenny, it isn't like it seems, okay? You need to just be quite okay?"

"-you knew about _this?_ You stand there and watching him-"she covers her mouth –"some random person?"

"I know-" I close my eyes "I know it seems bad"

"Bad?" she whispers as she gets off my bed "Bad is a freaking understatement, how do you stand there and let him do this?"

"Jennie-" I get up after her

"NO!-" a tear breaks from her eyes

"It means nothing, he stills loves you, your brother, us" I chase after her as she walks out and down the stairs

"HE DOESN'T LOVE ANYONE" she shouts out my face as she walks back towards me and turns and continues her tracks

"Jennie that not true"

"I can't believe your defending him, he tells you that he is sleeping with some slut, and you stand there and be this little angel?"

"No-"

"_It's okay David, you go head I will stand here with my two children and act happy families while you screw her, Let me just-" _

"STOP IT" I smack my hand against the wall, she freezes "He doesn't know I know, In fact I only knew a couple weeks ago" I look at my scarlet hand remembering the time it was last that red, from hitting Denise, "I have been trying to find ways to find out before he figures out I know, I have had people tell me, help me, your father doesn't know yet, I don't need him to lie about something and for me to believe it, I need to find out myself"

She wipes her tears "so what are you going to do?"

"I don't know"

"Are you going to tell him soon?"

"I don't think I have gotten to the bottom of this yet"

"What else is there to find out, he slept with some redhead and now he is shacking up with her"

"What?" my face screws up

"I said he is shacking up with her"

"No-I mean how do you she has _red h_air?"

She swallows "What?-No, I didn't say she had red hair" She looks down

"Jennie? Do you know something?"

"What? No-Mum I never said she had redhair, Jeez" she walks around me, I grab her arm, and lift my face so close to hers

"Jennifer? Tell me"


	8. Chapter 8

**_So, so sorry for updating so infrequently or never I should say, big things coming up ;p_**

Chapter Eight:

Still in the cold air, I stare at my daughters face as we both stand on landing, my hand not letting go of her arm, she shakes me off but I grip on

"Mum, let me go!"

"Jennifer, what do you know?"

"I can't tell you"

"Please" I sob at her, her face shifts away but I catch her eye again

"Fine!-" she shakes her hand and I release her arm "I met her"

"You met her? You spoke to her?"

"Mum let me finish-"She sighs "It was about a year ago, I took a day off from work to pack for America, Dad didn't know I was home and I heard a women say something to him or whatever downstairs anyway, I came out my room and I saw her in the cracks of the staircase, I saw her hair-" She rubs her head "They were talking about work, I think, I assured it was nothing but something inside of me-" she twists her mouth "knew it wasn't right, so went back into my room and closed the door, I waited for about 3 hours, trying to wait it out, but then"

"Then what?" my heart pounding franticly

"-they came upstairs" she breaks into tears "I could hear her, laughing and them-"

"Stop" I brush my finger against her lips and wipe my other fingers beneath her eyes

"I was crying all the way through, I wanted to tell you, but you seemed so happy that, I couldn't break you two up, Dad never knew that I knew and neither does Tyler, I knew you knew"

"What?"

"That day I came home, that look I saw on your face when I was hugging him, you saw that were never going to see this again if he knew, and that's why I couldn't tell you anything, When I asked you when we were alone that night I came home, you just shock it off and that night you were chasing after him, I was trying to get you to tell me, like today but you wouldn't, I couldn't tell you myself"

"I didn't know they were hints, I just assumed they were just curiosity"

"Good I suppose" she smiles

"So what do I do?" I ask her

"I think you should find more about Penelope"

"Penelope? You knew her name?"

"Yeah, I heard him say it-" she looks away "you know"

"Oh god" I put my hand over my mouth and I slide to floor knowing that my daughter has heard them having sex, I sob to myself as my daughter comforts me on the floor, hugging me tightly, never wanting to let go. Was it the guilt from her that made her tug of me so hard or the pain reflected from me into her?

I stand at the porch way of my only trusting, loyal human in my life, gripping my soft pale blue cardi until it's cutting of the circulation in my hands, I bit my lip creating front teeth indents and hoping to god  
that whatever the next 10 minutes of my life shall be, it shall be a good one.  
I loose my grip and knock on the solid wood door, seconds pass but footsteps in bark on a tiled floor and I am suddenly revealed to Sandra the god of all my decisions.

"What now?" she grinned  
"She knows!" I walk in, not letting any more cold night air freeze me  
"She knows and she is still fucking ... well you know who" she closes as I rush in  
"No, no not her" I close my eyes "Jennie"  
"No!" she slaps my forearm  
"Yes, don't let me forget it, how can he be such ... and that hurt" I point with my chin to my arm  
"Sorry" she stokes the same place once smacked and continues "Spill" she pushes my back into the kitchen and clicks the coffee machine  
"I don't know really, she... she told me"  
"and what did she say about it?"  
"that she is sorry, she's known for a long time"  
"long time? Geez ... and sorry for what?"  
"Sorry for... well I don't know, she didn't exactly say sorry to be precise but it was more of a ... 'hey mum sorry forgot to say dads fucking his secretary"  
"Secretary?"  
"well she isn't exactly his boss, ...she's beneath him"  
"...I'll say" Sandra stops herself laughing  
"what's so funny?" I take a moment "Oh fuck" I give a nervous giggle of how I could even joke about my marriage falling apart  
"I say screw him, ... and not in that way" she thinks and gives a sly pout "or even better screw someone else"  
"What? no ... I can't... that wouldn't be right... would it?"  
"well I mean... no. But who gives.." she stops and looks at me, cocks her head to the side and squints "you've met someone haven't you?"  
"what? god no!"  
"Whats his name, or are you referring him to Mr. Dreamy in your diary?"  
"I don't own a diary!"  
"but he still exists?" she bits her nail at the slight bit of gossip  
"no, he doesn't!"  
"So how did you meet him? was it knocking your baskets together in Asda or knocking your head against his bedpost after a romantic night at a bar?"  
"What? no, I haven't slept with anyone else"  
"So it was Asda?"  
"No!"  
"Sainsburys?"  
"No, no supermarkets..." I pause and sigh "I've known him for a long time, before David actually, I've slept with him, yes, but over 20 years ago"  
"shut up! Ni, when did this happen, where did you see him?"  
"It was you actually"  
"me?"  
"His is .. or was my therapist"  
she gasps and as the coffee machines bubbles hot it resembles sandras face "oh shit! I'm sorry"  
"Why? even though nothing has happened, he has made me feel... like a lady again"  
"can I ask you something?"  
"erm" I act slightly confused as to why she is asking such a weird question, I sit in her kitchen on a four legged chair which feels like three after one being short legged, rubbing my head till it hurts  
"why are you doing this?"  
"doing what?"  
"trying to find out more details about this affair?"  
"You told me too, remember?"  
"Yes, but you know who she is, now you just need to find out her first name so you can rhyme it with something slutty"  
"what rhymes with penelope?"  
"slutuee?" she frowns and then it hits her "You know her name?"  
"Jennie" I reply  
"How?... oh wait I think I have an Idea, but it might be crude"  
"you just said knocking my head against Brian's bedpost, so please"  
"Brian?" she grins  
"Him"

After minutes of us chatting on how life got so suckish, I decided it was time to go back home into the world of who gives a fuck and lets fuck everyone else apart from your loving wife. I lie back on my bed, twirl my fingers of what do next.

new brilliant, bring me to heaven sex with Brian and still be married  
home with my half a husband and stay in the daze of his affair  
3. confront the bastard, and be with Brian  
alone, at the age of 4-... lets just say 40.

I press my lips against my teeth and hope by god there is some couple who knows what they are doing, because I really don't.  
Daydreaming into whatever door opens, my front door knocks.

unlocking the front door, I open to a face... Brian.

"I know, it's late, and I'm not allowed round here but I just..." he stops and looks at my face "he is here isn't he?"  
"actually no, I hear his champagne class clinking against someone else in new york"  
"Oh, well in that case" he leans forward, goes to give me kiss on my lips but I turn, and his lips meet my cheek, and that's number 1 crossed off my list.  
"My daughter is home"  
"Oh, you have kids?"  
"Two"  
"Geez"  
"What can I do for you Brian?"  
"I wanted to make sure your okay"  
"Yes, I'm fine"  
"good, and I've moved you to a different therapist, Barbara, an older women but she only does visits at home"  
"Hmm"  
"I will drive you tomorrow"  
"I'm thinking of confronting him-"  
"What?"  
"Yes, I've had enough!"  
"Well that's great news, and then-"  
"and then I'm going out of town"  
"out of town?"  
"Yes, I want to start a new life some where else, actually with Jennie and her husband in america"  
"What... no Ni, you can't leave-"  
"why not? ... and It's not for defiant anyway"  
"well, talk to me about it before, okay?"  
"...sure"  
I smile and he strokes my arm, I step back allowing the door to hit the door frame he shifts back and walks back to his car. I sigh and I feel sick in my stomach of how he makes me feel.

and after today, I've decided to move on. Yes the dreaded "I know"


End file.
